When we emerge from a break-up or heartbreak we are naturally fragile. We feel off disorientated as we fight to regain our emotional balance. We might wish we could have foreseen what was going to happen. Or we might be fighting spikes of anger about how things unfolded. Being heartbroken can make us feel we don’t have faith in finding romance again in the future.
Thankfully, that’s just not the case when you have the right approach!
You have license to navigate the map of the future in the way wish from here. You don’t need to answer to anyone now which is freeing. This is your time for you to live life in the way that feels right. As you venture forwards you may discover passions, people and interests you never could have predicted in your recent past. All you need to do first, is heal from your heartbreak.
The truth about heartbreak.
It’s normal to be self-protective after a heartbreak. We instinctively put our guard up to keep our hearts safe from further harm. Your major heartbreak does not define you. It is a chapter in your story, for sure. But it has nothing to do with your identity as a person. There is so much life, love and potential available still, no matter what age you are. There’s plenty of romantic future (and fun) still ahead of you.
Break up stories: real-life experiences and peer support
Experiences of breaking up. True divorce stories. Peer support for improving or ending your relationship. BOOK & BLOG.
One of the best things you can do for yourself in order to ready yourself for life after a break-up is to develop your self-esteem and confidence. We all carry certain vulnerabilities and this is what makes us wonderfully human. Reactive shields are totally unnecessary. But an armor of self-esteem is integral to creating a healthy and happy romantic future for yourself. You’ve already got this! I also offer coaching for anyone struggling with a breakup!
The early (painful) days of a heartbreak.
Straight after you have had your heart ripped into pieces you will not be feeling yourself. You will likely be battling a heavy mixture of loss, confusion and disorientation. The arguments you had and the emotions you feel are churning in your mind as you try to make sense of everything. It will take a while for your thoughts to clarify. In the mean time, try not to make any rash decisions. This is not the time for career changes, moving town (and country) or trying to contact your ex.
What you need to focus on right now, is basic maintenance of your wellbeing. Eat regularly to prevent anxious highs followed by lethargic lows. Sleep whenever you can to lessen the effects of emotional exhaustion. Take things hour by hour for now. Don’t worry about what will happen tomorrow or next week. You’re in a delicate state—allow yourself time to grieve. If you feel overwhelmed, this could be a good time to call in a friend (or three) for further support.
Adjusting to a new reality.
It’s crucial not to rush the healing process. You need time to adjust to the drastic change in your life. Most of your plans will have changed overnight. Your future is looking different to a few weeks ago. You are now a single person who is free to navigate their own path independently. No matter if your relationship was long or short, you will still need time and space to adjust in order to be ready to fully move on.
TO BREAK UP OR NOT TO BREAK UP? Should I stay or should I go?
How do you know if you should leave or not. How to make the decision to break up or to improve your relationship? To break up or not?
Examining every argument and text exchange with your ex-partner is not helpful. You cannot move forwards while you’re looking in the wrong direction. The decisions you made in the past were based on the information you had at the time. Hindsight is wonderful, yet inaccessible. We simply need to do better when we know better. Learn from your previous experiences but don’t linger too long.
Initial dating after heartbreak.
Dating after heartbreak can be overwhelming. But try to see this period of your story as opportunity for a fresh start. No relationship, no matter how fleeting or long-term, is a waste. Date with honest intentions. Consider this as good thing, not something to regret or avoid. Use these dating experiences as food for thought. Take away at least one learning curve, whether it’s something to improve upon within yourself or a type of person to avoid in future. These are the clues that will lead you to the best relationship for you at the right time.
The experience of finding someone new.
When constructing a relationship picture with someone new, you will soon know when something feels off. Maybe the emerging image just isn’t sitting right, and you’re pretty sure you’re missing a few vital pieces along the way. Unfortunately, you might feel inhibited to move on from this particular attempt because you’re unsure what else might be on offer. Don’t underestimate yourself!
THE FEAR OF BREAKING UP: “I’m too ashamed to leave.”
Some people stay in an unhappy relationship because of the shame and fear of breaking up. Break-up fear and and shame is common. Why?
Step away from the Hollywood-type prescribed romantic image you’re battling to create for a moment. Let go of trying to force those awkward pieces into place. Pause just long enough to look around and see what (and who) else is sitting right in front of you. You don’t need to have a shiny completed picture ready to present to the world, or anything close. Why hold yourself back in such a negative way?
Go at your own pace, no one else’s.
Ditch the stressful idea of ‘should’. Let go of comparison culture for good. Then, feel the sweet relief that will come to you as a result. Let go of trying to fit a frame or typecast. It’s aggravation that none of us need. Especially following on from such an emotionally disruptive period of our lives. Fitting in is a conceptual concern reserved for high school teenagers—walk away from the playground and do what feels right for you now.
Genuine love is worth the price of a little vulnerability. It may not always feel comfortable (or even possible) to cultivate the bonded relationship we hope for. But every bit of progress is valuable to the journey as a whole. Those nights you deliberated over whether to call your amazing date. The lunchtimes you wondered whether to share your feelings about someone you like. These are always worthy steps to take. No matter the result, you’re doing it!
Take a look at your romantic future.
Let’s face facts—no one falls for a date who keeps complaining about their ex and how unfair their break-up was. Don’t be that person! We have all had our hearts broken at some point. The good news, is that broken hearts always heal with time and a heavy dose of self care. Do not allow what has happened to you in the past prevent you from moving forwards. Otherwise, your ex will be taking your future as well as everything else they’ve taken from you!
You may not find your ideal match in a perfect timeframe. Perhaps you are not ready for a full relationship quite yet. There really is no perfect recipe for avoiding future heartbreak beyond developing a good sense of self-esteem and being clear about your own self worth. Be kind to those you meet, remain open to dating, and stay positive.
Keep yourself moving in the only direction that truly matters; forwards.
Motivating You to mindshifting in many ways,
Your Coach Kati Niemi
Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, M.Sc.
[email protected]
“FIVE STARS!” Book reviews: (R)evolution for Love (Amazon Books)
“Five Stars!” Editorial reviews and reader reviews of (R)evolution for Love – A Better Relationship or a Brilliant Break Up? Amazon books
FEEDBACK TO LOVE! Reader reviews (Book+Blog)
RELATIONSHIP GUIDE: BOOK REVIEWS – We are blown over by the feedback the (R)evolution for Love relationship blog and guide have received. WOW!
FREE AUDIOBOOK: Audible, Google Play and other stores’ free trial
Audiobook lovers benefit from FREE trial periods of book stores. Enjoy (R)evolution for Love on Amazon Audible, Google Play & other stores
FREE EBOOK ‘I love you but…’ – To Break Up or Not to Break Up?
Refocus your energy now to improve your love life! This FREE ebook ‘I love you but…’ will help you move towards a better relationship or
How to improve your wellbeing through self-development?
Science has revealed: some adults are not mentally sufficiently developed. How to improve your wellbeing through self-development?
Why does our conscious mind question the power of the unconscious mind?
Is the power of the unconscious mind fake news and is trying to harness it to achieve our full potential a waste of time? What do we mean by the unconscious mind?
INFIDELITY and the collected excuses: The good reasons for cheating
CHEATING: What is a good reason to cheat? What do the cheated partner, “the other woman/man” or the cheater choose to believe in?
What is an open relationship? Does it lead to breaking up?
What is an open relationship? Who are non-monogamous open relationships for? Is your partner suggesting consensual non-monogamy?
Narcissism in a Relationship: “How to Know if My Partner Is a Narcissist?”
What are the signs and causes of narcissism? Can you make a relationship with a narcissist work? Can you heal a narcissistic partner?
Aromatherapy for Libido & Romance – The Best Essential Oils for Love
Sense of smell influences our sexual desire and performance. Aromatherapy tips and the best essential oils for romance, libido, sex and love.
When positive thinking becomes toxic
What is too positive thinking like? Where should we focus the power of our mind and our willpower?
TO BREAK UP OR NOT TO BREAK UP? Should I stay or should I go?
How do you know if you should leave or not. How to make the decision to break up or to improve your relationship? To break up or not?
