A Good (The Perfect!) Online Dating Profile: How & What to Write about Yourself

A Good (The Perfect!) Online Dating Profile: How & What to Write about Yourself

Dating nice new people is not going to happen unless you take concrete steps. How about writing that online dating profile? I’ve written this detailed piece to help you with all the ins and outs of online dating. After reading this article, you don’t need to worry anymore “what should I write on my internet dating profile” – you will learn what to write and also how to write an engaging online dating profile description of yourself. The perfect internet dating profile just for you!

Sounds good? Ok, let’s start!

Author, Blogger, Therapist, NLP Coach Kati Niemi
With a good online dating profile you will find the company you want without attracting the wrong types!

We are all thinking about it…! Who wouldn’t like some good company, whatever we mean by that. Yet it feels difficult to try and meet someone. Where, in a supermarket? No thank you!

Writing an online dating profile may not feel any easier. But still, it’s the first, most important step in internet dating.

The first thing to consider is to compose a profile that looks like you. A good online dating profile that looks like you, is more likely to bring the right type of new people in your life, and perhaps even a new life partner! 

Get ready to swipe right or click on potential soulmates! 

In the following, I will explain how to write a profile that speaks to people that are suitable for you. 

But what exactly is a good online dating profile for you on Tinder or some other online dating service or app? What should you write about yourself or what you are looking for? What should you put in it so that it is right for you!

In this blog article, we start from square one in the path of internet dating: getting that online dating profile right. Welcome to being inspired by the hot tips brought to you by The (R)evolution for Love!

P.S. Do share these tips with all the great people you meet on Tinder or other dating apps. Especially those who turned out not to be the match made in heaven for you but could be that for someone else! A warm thank you from me and for all those who will benefit for you sharing the positivity 🙂

How to write your best online dating profile

This article talks about the ways you can compose your perfect online dating profile for Tinder or some other dating app/site so that the right company finds their way to you:

How to write a good online dating profile that’s right for you?

Online dating profile rule number one: Tell at least something about yourself. A good online dating profile is more than a name, age and a couple of pics. I’ll say this especially to men: most women swipe left if the man does not tell anything about themselves. Yet, you’d be surprised how many men leave the personal description blank. A name, age and nice pictures seldom takes you anywhere. Yet, surprisingly many men seem to trust this strategy.

I have also heard many men say they swipe left on women who tell nothing about themselves in their online dating profile. Sadly, based on the common experience among men, women are reluctant to chat and talk about themselves much even once a match has been made. This is the kind of dating culture everyone can help change. Starting with your own online dating profile 🙂

Good money routines - How to Solve Relationship Money Problems

Write a short introduction of yourself in your profile, however brief, because it is the only way of telling that single person at the other end that you are not completely noncommunicative as a dating partner. All it takes is one word in your profile for a potential partner to notice and relate to. You don’t have to write a novel. Just a couple of short sentences shedding some light on what you’re interested in and what your assets as a partner are.

In sum, my first advice for an online dating profile is: write it! It will set you apart from those who can’t be bothered 🙂

What is the one important thing in a good online dating profile?

A good online dating profile is one in which the photos look like you and the text sounds like you. The following link takes you to an article about photos in an online dating profile: how important are good photos on Tinder and other dating apps and how to take one.

A good online dating profile gives a positive impression of you and communicates your good assets, of which you probably have more than you think! If you are new to composing online dating profiles and can’t think of anything to say, ask a friend to tell you what makes you a good friend to them. They will tell you what you are really like. You will also get an uplifting boost to your self-esteem. I’m sure your friends will be keen to help you create a good online dating profile!

What is the least attractive quality in the dating market?

Don’t make the mistake of advertising yourself as smarter, better-looking, more sociable, sporty or “better” by any other possible measure than you truly are. A date with any potential will soon find out that you have been faking from the start. Faking it and pretending talk about a low self-esteem, which is the least attractive quality in the dating market. Surely you don’t want people to date you out of pity?

You need to pretend to be any better than you are. There is bound to be millions of people out there that could be a match made in heaven for you. You will find Tinder matches probably not too far away at all without trying too hard. If you still think that you can’t find a “proper relationship” on Tinder – whatever that means – I can promise that you are wrong. In know, because I found my lovely new partner on Tinder. You can, too.

What is essential and what is “too much information” on a good online dating profile?

Some share details about themselves that to others seem “too much information”. These can include relationship history, children, hobbies or work. Opinions differ as to what should and shouldn’t be revealed in an online dating profile.

I don’t think it is necessary to announce how many times you have been married or in a relationship. What is important to clarify is that you are single. There are far too many candidates on Tinder who are not single, hiding behind blurred photos and no introductions. Be open about being single and use nice photos and words to support that image. Few people are on Tinder to meet with people who are not single, so those who are not, usually try to hide that fact.

Don’t be shy to say what type of relationship you are looking for.

I think it is fair to indicate in your online dating profile (don’t wait until the first date) if you want to have kids. Some may think this is going too far in an online dating profile, but usually this is something that comes up early on, either when exchanging messages or on the first date. Read this article for tips for a good online dating profile for a single parent: Talking about your children in an online dating profile This article discusses how to bring up your hopes of starting a family in your online dating profile.

It is also important to talk about your hobbies and interests – surely the idea is to find someone to share them and your free time with. Educational background and occupation are also useful to add, as to some people this matters.

Read more about these details below.

Which hobbies look good in an online dating profile?

First of all, remember it doesn’t really matter what your hobbies or interests are. What matters is that you are honest about them. A good online dating profile is not a description of an idealised version of you. It should be about you just the way you are.

You don’t have to run, go to the gym, swim and play golf to be eligible. Do not, under any circumstances, lie about being into sports if you are not. You run the risk of having to join them for a leisurely 15k jog on a first date. It’s too late to start training for that. And you don’t want to be found out you were lying as you to try to keep up with your date, red in the face and gasping for life.

Don’t lie about your likes and dislikes. Don’t even think about it. Remember that some are not looking for anyone to share their hobbies with and prefer concentrating on training and pursuing their interest independently. You can be that match made in heaven to someone sporty even if you are not, provided you haven’t lied about being a potential training partner. Hobbies and interests are not necessarily the most important thing for people.

If you enjoy a casual walk and taking photos of natural beauty while at it, say so. Your interests need not be anything more complicated or impressive than that. But remember that you don’t have to have a hobby or specific interests that you ambitiously pursue to be interesting.

Be honest in your online dating profile about how you want to spend your time

You don’t have to have an interesting hobby or to pretend to be a person who keeps busy with a wide range of interests. Some could find multiple and “extreme” hobbies a turn off. It might make them wonder if you actually have time and energy for a relationship.

If your hobbies mean a lot to you and take up a good amount of your time, your future date should be aware of it from the start. It is nearly impossible to have a relationship if you don’t have any time for each other.

Some want a relationship even if they have only limited time to spare. This is something that your potential future partner should know early on. Some want a relationship but need plenty of time to themselves. Some want a partner who is not necessarily there for them and with them every day or even every week. 

Do not pretend to want a closer relationship than you do! 

If you are bound to cause a disappointment to the other person, you will not be comfortable either.

Do you (too) prefer spending a good chunk of your free time having sex?

Watching TV, going to movies, reading and following social media are also perfectly valid pastimes. Many would love a fellow couch potato and perhaps someone with whom to cook and enjoy a glass of good wine. It is ok to say that this is what your life looks like and you would like someone to share it with. I’m positive you will find company to whatever it is that floats your boat.

If you are mainly looking for a sex partner, be honest about that, too. Being straight and open about it is usually considered a plus, including by those who are not looking for just sex but a long-term partnership. And who knows, even those with “honourable intentions” may want to date you just for sex, while they are waiting for that long-term partner to turn up 🙂

A good online dating profile does not hide your real needs and hopes. It saves everyone time and energy, if you are honest about what you are looking for, be it just sex or a long-term relationship. It is also usually considered a plus that you make it clear from the start in you profile that you are looking for a serious relationship with the right partner. But while you keep looking for that special someone, don’t forget that it is ok to enjoy life and some happy times with those as well who won’t make a good long-term partner.

Should you mention your educational and professional background in an online dating profile?

The going stereotype is that most men still look for a nurturing woman as a partner while women are attracted to successful men. This is ok, and we could even be partially genetically hardwired to think like this. Some women would prefer a highly educated man with a good career and income, even if – or because – that is what they themselves don’t have. These patterns and what they are based on have been studied since time immemorial, and it may be that there is some biological and cultural truth behind these stereotypes. If this is how a person feels or chooses to live, they must be respected for their views.

The main thing is that you don’t criticise those with different role expectations, values and hopes for their future relationship in your online dating profile or your messages. Dating apps are happier places for everyone if everyone holds their judgment so that we don’t have to listen to a complete stranger criticise our values and lifestyles. If the person’s expectations are completely different, there is hardly any point in dating them just to see how different you are. Some otherwise smart and woke men can be apprehensive of a highly educated and successful woman, and it can be a matter of pride for them to earn more than their partner. 

Even if you think like this, you don’t have to be dismissive of others in your online dating profile.

Some dating coaches even suggest that men with good education and careers should clearly mention this. That might be a good idea because educational background says something about what you were interested in in your twenties when still choosing a career. Of course it is not the whole story, but many think it is an important piece of information, as is your occupation. What we do is one possible starting point in learning to know another person. It is, after all, bound to come up during on the first date the latest. And if stereotypes are anything to go by, mentioning these things in your online dating profile is likely to invite more likes and swipes to the right, at least among women. Another question is, do you need that many likes if all you need is that one person?

When writing the perfect online dating profile, should highly educated women hide their status?

Some say that highly educated women would be better off not mentioning their educational background and professions so as not to scare potential partners off. Do I need to spell it out what I think about advice like this? However, what I will say to those who give advice like this: Do you really think that a smart woman is willing and prepared to play down their achievements and background in a relationship? If a woman has had the motivation to study and build a career, she also has enough confidence to talk about their life as it is, without belittling or boasting about it.

Personally, I’m highly educated and financially secure and independent. I did not look for a man to support me financially. If anything, I was amused by how some men really tried to impress me by talking about their academic achievements, titles, how demanding their management role was and how much money they made. Sometimes it was all they wanted to talk about, and there I was, trying to find out what their emotional intelligence was, what they thought about things. With my background in leadership, the last thing I want to do on a date is to talk business. I want to learn to know the person behind the job title and net worth.

Business or pleasure?

However, I have heard that this is a completely natural topic for many men, as many women find this appealing. And that is probably true. We date because of a biological need and certain ancient role divisions between men and women may still persist in our genes. And it is wonderful that we are different! 

However, the fact that you want to look good does not give you permission to put others down. 

Understandably, when you arrive on your first date, you don’t know what the background and expectations of your date are when they the things that they do. That is why it is so essential to listen to what the other person wishes to bring up and take your cues from that. 

Should you keep your own “sales pitch” short and sweet or should you try some other way to the heart of your date? Your ability to be present comes easy if you have practiced using it.

What should you tell about your education and work in your online dating profile

I decided initially not to mention my educational or professional background in my online dating profile because it was not important to me in my potential date either. However, after a few rather disastrous dates, I realised that it was easier and more relaxing to me to date guys who were not that surprised or in awe by what I did for a living and what I was trained to do. I felt that it was better to be open from the beginning, including the online dating profile so that those who did not feel comfortable with a woman in a managerial position would not have to waste their or my time.

I was looking for a partnership of equals in which neither feels intimidated by each other’s education or job. I added to my online dating profile a brief mention of where I had trained and what I did. That was a way of protecting myself from dates that stood no chance of being successful. I kept receiving messages and interest from all sorts of men, so I don’t think it made my profile too exclusive and I didn’t miss out on anything. And hey, I did meet my current partner that way, so all’s well that ends well!

Should you use the phrase “university of life” in your online dating profile?

That you have a fancy job title or a degree does not really say anything about your intellect as such. It does show that when you were young, you had enough perseverance to sit exams and you know how to conduct yourself at a job interview. Education and titles are not a guarantee of intelligence – nor of emotional intelligence, communication skills and problem-solving skills in the face a difficulty, all really useful in a relationship. We all know by now that intelligence is much more than the traditional IQ, which mainly measures mathematical and technical skills.

So, if you are not highly education, you need not and must not feel inferior in any way next to a partner who on the face of things has an impressive degree and job title. You do not have to draw a picture to any potential date that you are a worthy partner. That’s why I don’t like the term “university of life” or “university of hard knocks” that you often see in online dating profiles. It tells nothing and speaks of lack of self-worth. 

Such terms tell nothing about you except that, for some reasons, you want to emphasise that you have been around but don’t want to give any details or that deep down the lack of academic education makes you feel uneasy. Perhaps that description you see surprisingly often used in online dating profiles has been productive and led to several dates of a specific type that you look for. 

But be aware that “university of life” is an expression that makes most people swipe left. Sad but true.

The best online dating profile is one that shows you value yourself and people around you

We all go to the university of life, every day. Including those with a university degree. Their life experiences are just as valuable – not more or less – as those of less highly educated ones. Be open and honest about who you are and what is important to you and respect other for doing the same, regardless of their background. Nothing is more off-putting in an online dating profile than a sense of superiority or inferiority. Both speak of a lack of self-worth and self-empathy.

If you want to find a partner who is loving and has a healthy self-esteem, work on those qualities on yourself and portray your relaxed, authentic self in your online dating profile. You will find the love you want by being who you are. Nothing in your background or past experiences can define your future, if you decide so. Never list the things in an online dating profile that you don’t have.

What you have is enough.

You are enough.

Does money talk in the dating world?

As with the stereotypes discussed above: for some women, it is important that a man has money. This is why men tend to indicate their wealth through the photos the post: This is what my home looks like, this is the car I drive, and look, I happen to have a brand new motorbike as well! And a wine cellar. Of course, owning of a bike or having a wine cellar can be things that really matter to that person on a deeper level, and that is perfectly fine. However, imagery like this seldom says much about the person behind them. Some have no photos of themselves in their online dating profile, only of their possessions. For some men and women, this works perfectly. Then again, some men and women want to marry the Eiffel Tower.

Is wealth or how much you earn important?

I and the single women close to me are instinctively weary of men who have the need to show off their wealth. If someone only post pictures of their wealth and possessions, it makes me wonder, are money and possessions the only thing they care about? Do they spend all their time acquiring more wealth? What would my place be in that, if all things materials are the centre of his life?

As you can see, there is no right or wrong in this issue, what you absolutely should or shouldn’t do. In the end, my only advice is think carefully what type of person you are looking for and compose your online dating profile accordingly.

Some people will be turned on, others turned off if you show off your wealth. It is up to your personal goal, how you present yourself in your online dating profile.

Online dating and your appearance: can you write a good online dating profile without a photo?

While writing something real, however brief, about yourself is important, it is also crucial for many to see photos of their potential date. A picture speaks more than a thousand words. It speaks about much more than the one thing

you may be most insecure about: your looks. If you are like the rest of us ordinary looking middle-aged people, looks won’t be a dealbreaker to a person who is genuinely interested in you. No matter how unconfident you are about your looks, trust me: you will find a lovely partner who loves everything about you, including those bits you find difficult to like.

Trust in finding a suitable loving partner

There have always been couples, in which one partner mocks the other one for their looks. It is depressing and detrimental to one’s self-esteem. There have also always been happy couples in which both love each other regardless of each other’s “flaws” that don’t fit beauty stereotypes. 
Whatever your hang-ups about your body or appearance are – possibly caused by your ex’s opinions or your past experiences – don’t lose faith in finding a suitable loving partner. There is a partner for you who loves all of you, maybe even adores your imperfections, warts and all. For that person, you are more than enough as you are.

This is why I suggest you post an ordinary, nice picture of yourself, perhaps a few, that show your personality and perhaps what you are interested in. To find out more about the importance of a good photo and how to take one for your online dating profile, read these articles: A good photo on Tinder: What kind of pictures should you post in an online dating profile?

Should you describe yourself or the partner you are looking for in an online dating profile?

Dating profile has limited space, so there is no room for lengthy personality analyses or wish lists, so think carefully what you want to prioritise. If you want to catch the interest of your potential date, mostly tell about yourself. Leave it to them to decide whether you two have enough in common. Similarly, you can then make your own decision based on their profile content.

If there are things that are absolute dealbreakers for you, it is of course a good idea to state your preferences. For some people this is smoking, to others the wish to have or not have children. If there are areas that you can’t be flexible about, you should mention this in your profile.

How to describe your character in an online dating profile?

When you describe yourself or the characteristics of your dream partner, say something a bit more specific than “reliable with a great sense of humour”. The universal assets, “reliability” and “honesty” can mean many different things in reality, depending on the person. Stating the obvious does not really say anything about the person. We naturally want to tell others that we are reliable and honest, but who doesn’t. “I admit to being unreliable and dishonest”, said no one ever. The fact that a person does not make a point of being honest does not mean that they are dishonest. Rather than stating the obvious, they have probably something more interesting to say. 

To say something against the norm, “reliable and honest”, will immediately make a profile stand out.

Rather than filling the space with empty words, say something that actually says something about you. Choose your words carefully. That said, not everyone is a writer, so if you can’t come up with anything more original, don’t worry about it too much. Something, even if a bit obvious and boring, is always better than nothing. You won’t scare anyone away, although you might be losing the interest of someone you would like to meet. For some, the common or garden profiles work perfectly well, and are always better than nothing.

If need be, ask your friends to tell you what’s good about you and use them to write your profile. This will help you write something more unique.

Humour and jokes in an online dating profile

Humour is a difficult art to master. We probably all have a sense of humour even if not everyone can crack a joke at every turn. But people’s sense of humour can be very different. We may think that we and our friends are hilarious but some might disagree. If you have the gift of the gab and a good sense of fun, let is show in your profile, in words or photos.

It is good to see from the start if your jokes will only be met with embarrassing silence from the potential date. Equally, if your turn of phrase makes the other person laugh, it can be a good sign.

Smiles and laughter create a good vibe, perhaps you two should check each other out! A personal touch is far more humorous than stating that you have a great sense of humour. Remember that you don’t have to make a point of being funny or to crack jokes if it doesn’t come naturally. It does not make you humourless or boring. Nothing is less funny than trying too hard.

A good online dating profile vs. a checklist of demands

Some have the habit of giving long lists of requirements for their future partner, often while not giving away anything about themselves. This can make the reader feel that the person is not prepared to put themselves under any scrutiny but is more than happy to do that to the potential date.

Some men have expressed their frustration or genuine disbelief with women feel it’s ok to give a minimum height for the potential date, without being particularly tall themselves. We all have our aesthetic preferences, but with age, these usually give way to more profound factors such as personality. So, let’s accept that to some women, the height of the man is a dealbreaker. From time to time, take a critical look at your own criteria. 

Make sure that you are not ruling out the love of your life because of something completely trivial.

We all have hopes and expectations for the person with whom we want to have sex with or build a loving relationship. And rightly so. Nearing the middle age, we learn to know better what matters to us, and it is important that we communicate them. It is important to value other people’s criteria and be mentally flexible in matters that are not a dealbreaker for yourself.

You can be picky but writing down lists of criteria like on a shopping list is not a good way to be selective. I’m pretty sure most people prefer being quietly dropped based on their profile rather than listening to a litany of shortcomings that make them unsuitable. This is why it is kinder to build the essential information into your profile, as these will help naturally “eliminate” unpromising candidates from the get-go.

Smoking, drinking and drugs in the perfect dating profile…?

Do you smoke? Remember that smoking is not necessarily a problem on the dating scene. What could become a problem, however, is that you don’t mention it to your prospective date, preferably in your dating profile For some, smoking is a complete NO-NO. Others don’t care either way.

Smoking can even be a plus, especially for those who are themselves smokers and don’t want to be told off for it and declared unkissable because of it. Smoking can be dealbreaker for many, both men and women, so I suggest you bring your smoking status up in your dating profile and not on the first date. But remember, lying about smoking is worse than smoking. You will be found out.

Teetotallers and online dating

How would you describe your alcohol use? Do you not drink at all? This could be something communicated with a photo or some other way, if you don’t want to emphasise the issue. Drinking or not drinking alcohol is often not a problem either way. But to some, a teetotaller can be a problem. This probably means that this person is not very flexible in terms of values and lifestyles.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen online dating profiles with warnings “no teetotallers please” or “drinkers don’t bother”. These opinions are crassly expressed, to say the least, but probably something that matters to them. Some can be harsh in words, but not in reality. Be clear but polite about your dealbreakers.

What do you think is a good online dating profile in this respect? Write your own online dating profile with your target audience in mind: that one great person that you really want to meet!

Your attitude towards alcohol will come out – the earlier the better

A good online dating profile gives an indicating about your attitude and habits regarding alcohol and drugs. Again: don’t lie, because you can’t go on lying, if the relationship works. So don’t lie to make it to the first date. Speaking from experience, lying can get you through a couple of dates but if you turn up for a walk in a park during the day with a beer breath, your date will not believe a word you are saying. Don’t waste anyone’s time, if you know that your drink too much for them. Look for a partner who shares your idea of moderation or look for help, if you really drink too much.

Even if you suffer from a drinking problem, it doesn’t mean you can’t look for a date online. Even you can find a more permanent relationship, and not just a series of first dates, if that is your goal. But don’t lie about your situation, if that is going to come out anyway at some point. If you are not honest about your drinking and that leads to a disappointment for both of you, you are only adding a painful rejection on top of your addiction problem. So, be honest and open and expect the same from others – as painful and difficult as it may be.

If you cover up your problems, it will never have the chance of being addressed and properly treated.

The tone and mood of your online dating profile

Take time to finalise your online dating profile. Check that your tone is friendly and polite – you want to make a good first impression on your future date. Even if you feel insecure and uncomfortable writing about yourself, take your time so that you are happy with everything you decide to include in your profile.

We all have our unique temperament and we naturally warm to certain communication styles more than others. You can be polite without being boring and uninteresting. Be yourself.

Let your edginess show, because you won’t be hide it for long anyway. Be yourself and give your future partner the chance to fall in love with the real you – not something rehearsed and phoney.

You can’t and you don’t have to please everyone. The safe and happy medium does not fit everyone. You might as well walk your own path including when composing your online dating profile. Think of the person who can appreciate the beauty of your path.

The perfect online dating profile: Style and correct language

Write your online dating profile in the style that comes naturally to you. You don’t have to resort to gimmicks or be a stand-up comedian to attract attention. If you don’t think you can attract the attention you want by being your authentic self, consider what kind of company are you actually looking for.

Will you just keep on faking it day in day out, just to be a person you think you need to be? Be who you are and be real and let that show in the style and tone of your online dating profile. It will resonate with the person who is genuinely interesting in getting to know you. Surely you want to share your life with someone who is attracted to you, specifically. You don’t need another bad relationship in which you have to hide who you are.

Let your real personality show in your online dating profile and your first messages with a potential date. Trust yourself. And trust that person who will be reading your profile and whom you will love more than you can imagine.

And before you finish, spellcheck. This is a little bit like applying for a job: you wouldn’t write a job application in a rush without checking that there are no silly mistakes. But this is much easier that perfecting your CV, so it won’t take up too much time.

CHECKLIST: How to write a good online dating profile?

The more you act according to your values and personality in the online dating scene the more likely you are to find your supermatch!

Here’s a short checklist that will work for most (but probably not all) singles out there who are writing their online dating profile. Tell your future date:

  • where you live (some people are not ready for a long-distance relationship)
  • how you spend your time, what your hobbies and interests are
  • something about your education and job (this matters to some)
  • about your children or wishes to have them – Read more
  • how much time you are prepared to spend with your future partner during the week and weekends
  • if you smoke, drink or use recreational drugs.
  • Check that your tone is polite and friendly and spellcheck.

You can keep your online dating profile short and sweet – the basics will do. People are able to read between the lines if you are being genuine. Don’t look for the company of those who would not be interested in the real you. There will always be those who find you interesting and inspiring, warts and all.

Author, Blogger, Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, Coach Kati Niemi - Founder of (R)evolution for Love

What do you think is a good online dating profile for you?

Since you had the patience to read this long blog post till the end, you clearly have the patience to wait for that right person to come along when the time is right! 🙂

Good luck – enjoy your dates!

With Love,
your coach Kati
Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, Love coach
[email protected]

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