Aromatherapy tips for romance and sex: Pure Essential oils for intimacy and sexual desire

Aromatherapy for Libido & Romance – The Best Essential Oils for Love

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Our sense of smell influences our sexual desire, sexual performance and empathic behavior in relationships. According to scientific research, odors and scents processed by the olfactory system impact significantly on our social behaviour, mate choice, libido and sexual stamina. So, which essential oil can get you and your partner in the mood for sex? When you want to improve your libido and bring some more romance and intimacy in your bedroom (or wherever!), read this article about the benefits of aromatherapy and how to use essential oils for attraction and love

This is the ultimate checklist for couples who want to learn how to use aromatherapy to improve their relationship in new ways.

What Is Aromatherapy?

A short answer: Aromatherapy is a complementary therapeutic method where essential oils are used aromatically (inhalation) or topically (on skin) to improve one’s wellbeing.

Aromatherapy is not alternative therapy but complementary healing method, even though you may sometimes notice when using aromatherapeutic essential oils that they affect both your body and mind in ways which may help you use less traditional Western medications in some cases.

Aromatherapeutic pure essential oils for romance and intimacy: Aromatherapy tips for couples in love

Aromatherapy has received its name because it is known that our olfactory nerves (the connections between our nose and the brain) are triggered by scents (aroma) of essential oils, which then affects our mood and also physical wellbeing.

After all, our brain controls all our physical and mental functions, so it has been known for thousands of years that some aromas truly effect us human beings.

And not only negatively when sniffing too much perfumes, but also positively – when used right.

Aromatherapy has long been used for its health, wellness, and beauty properties. In this article we focus on the benefits of aromatherapy and how essential oils can be used to improve love life in many ways.

What Are Essential Oils Used in Aromatherapy?

Essential oils, the substances used in aromatherapy, come from various parts of plants (flowers, leaves, roots, fruits, stem, barks) that come from all over the world.

The essential oils are extracted from the plants by many methods which are usually very labour intensive. That’s why 100% pure, natural essential oils are expensive.

Based on research, essential oils are antibacterial, antibiotic, antiviral, antifungal, and anti-inflammatory.

Essential oils (or volatile oils) can be used aromatically and topically for health, wellness, and vitality. The methods used in aromatherapy include inhalation and local application of essential oils, as well as baths.

Even though aromatherapy and essential oils have been used always in the history of mankind, thanks to the growing body of scientific research, today essential oils are back in a big way with their popularity growing every single day.

What Is Aromatherapy Used For? What Are Its Benefits?

Aromatherapeutic essential oils are used for:

  • Relaxation (the key to success in sex and love!)
  • Stress relief (and when you forget your daily worries, you will enjoy sex more)
  • Healing mild depression, anxiety and pains
  • Better sleep – to relax you both for sex just before falling asleep or for a good morning sex session 🙂
  • Improved self-esteem (yes, there really is scientific proof!) which makes you more confident in sex, too
  • Increased sexual desire, stamina and libido – passionate love!
  • Improved feelings of security and belonging – romantic love!

As you can see from this list of the benefits, aromatherapeutic oils can help you improve the overall quality of your life. Nature can truly heal you and your relationship with your partner. 🙂

How Do Essential Oils Work in the Body and Affect Our Mood for Sex & Love?

In aromatherapy, the aim is that the essential oils would penetrate the human skin surface (our largest organ!) and effect our brain. You can use essential oils both aromatically and topically, and thus effect your brain functions positively.

Aromatherapeutic massage oil - Aromatherapy and Pure essential oils for romance and intimacy

First of all, remember that your body and mind are not separate, because your mind i.e. your brain controls all your bodily functions. The glands in your endocrine system produce hormones. And those hormones are key factors regulating your mood, alertness or sleep, and e.g. appetite (also your sexual appetite!).

Essential oils are aimed to increase or decrease your hormone levels – depending what you want to gain. Usually we may want to decrease stress hormone levels and increase the happy hormones!

The internet is chocked full of anecdotal tales of how essential oils have worked for people. You don’t have to just accept these anecdotal stories as factual evidence though. There is a growing body of research on the use and effectiveness of essential oils with more scientific studies happening all the time. In fact, due to its widespread popularity and several scientific studies, aromatherapy is recognized also as “aroma science therapy”.

For example, the importance of our olfactory system has been proven in e.g. a scientific study where males’ and females’ odor threshold was assessed using the “Sniffin’ Sticks” and they answered multiple questions on sexual desire, frequency and duration of sexual intercourse, orgasms, and pleasantness of sexual activities. It was noted that high olfactory sensitivity correlated positively with the pleasantness of sexual activities.

What are the aphrodisiac properties of essential oils in aromatherapy?

Based on several studies, some essential oils may actually have aphrodisiac properties! So, what are those scientifically proven herbal aphrodisiacs, and what do those aphrodisiacs actually do?

The word ‘aphrodisiac’ comes from the Greek mytology, the Goddess of Love: Aphrodite.

An aphrodisiac is an essential oil, food or drug derived from the nature (plants, minerals, animals) that arouses sexual desire and increases sexual performance or pleasure. Aphrodisiacs are classified by their mode of action into those three categories: 1) increase libido, 2) improves potency, or 3) gives more sexual pleasure.

Various essential oils have been used to improve sexual performance in men, but also to vitalize women and improve their sexual desire.

For example, many know that oysters, honey, chocolate, coffee, and strawberries are used as aphrodisiacs even though their aphrodisiac potential is not always exactly researched in detailed scientific studies. Similarly, you can use essential oils in aromatherapy for romance and intimacy, because there are many scientific research about afrodisiacs in essential oils.

Does Aromatherapy Really Work for Love & Sexual Desire?

The short answer here is yes, aromatherapy is most definitely effective

And because it’s effective, you shall also be cautious and know what you’re doing when using any essential oils…!

Essential oils make for a great complementary (sometimes alternative) healing modality.

Generally, essential oils are safe with minimum negative effects. Many of them have been approved as food additives e.g. by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. 

Aromatherapy and essential oils: Tea for relaxation, calmness and good mood for love & sex

There is plenty of scientific research showing the effectiveness of essential oils in therapeutic or cosmetic use, too.

But there are also some risks (see below).

Are Essential Oils Safe to Use or Is Aromatherapy Dangerous for Some Individuals?

Blending some pure, natural essential oils together and enjoying some lovely scents may seem totally safe. And often is.

However, do remember that the words “aromatherapy” or “natural” may be used freely for fake products, too. Some pure natural oils which have been proven totally safe in scientific studies may not be used in that 100% pure format in the product you purchase in your local store. There may be some other not-so-healthy substances in the product as well.

That is why quality is very important when choosing essential oils. Inferior quality essential oils are naturally cheaper because they have been blended with synthetic chemical components, or they may be entirely synthetic.

Many people nowadays are allergic to fragrances i.e. either to natural essential oils or those synthetic compounds used in cheap cosmetics. If you use cheap, poor quality aromatherapeutic oils you may waste your money or get allergic symptoms (or worse).

Because not all essential oils and their multiple combinations have been studied yet in detail, you should be aware of their potential risks especially if you are pregnant (or your wife is pregnant) or if you use diffusers in rooms where you spend time with your kids and teens. Please consult your doctor also if you use some medications e.g. for depression before starting to improve your wellbeing also with aromatherapy.

What Are the Risks in Using Aromatherapy for Sex?

You know how you can get a headache after trying too many new perfumes in a shop? Yes, you can get also such negative effects from using some essential oils or their blends. And if you want sex, you don’t want any headaches or allergic reactions right then (see more details below). Or even worse reactions.

Remember that some natural oils from the nature include also poisonous substances or chemicals which aren’t as safe as you might think.

Nature is not only safe, it may be dangerous too, right?

If you swallow some essential oils e.g. when drinking tea, you may get allergic reactions or even worse complications. Not all “natural products” from the nature are 100% safe.

And if you use some poisonous essential oils topically on your skin, you may get such symptoms as well. After all, skin is the largest organ of the body. Through your skin you absorb the effects of any essential oils.

Either the benefits or the risks.

And this goes naturally with all other products as well, not only essential oils. So, whenever you choose a skincare product for yourself or for your kids!), remember to check the list of ingredients. Usually the price tells a lot about the quality of the product, but some global beauty brands are expensive only because of their brand image and not quality. Sometimes some smaller brands are much healthier for your body.

What if I am or my partner is allergic to some essential oils?

Like you may be allergic to some totally natural foods, similarly you may also be allergic to certain essential oils even if those are totally safe for others. When using essential oils, you may have some typical allergic reactions such as redness, itchiness, hives, runny nose or watery eyes.

Before using a new aromatherapeutic oil, do a simple patch test: put a small drop of it on your skin. You will soon find out if you get any allergic symptoms. At least I haven’t found any essential oil which I’d be allergic to. But you may have some allergies, so test the oil first before asking your sex partner to use it all over your body. 🙂

And even if you are allergic to some essential oils, you may still continue using others. Consult your doctor or dermatologist to evaluate in more detail which extract was the triggering one and which essential oils you can still use.

When selecting your aromatherapy products, usually you can trust established quality brands. But if you are still uncertain, read some scientific research findings.

But risks and rewards always go together in life… So don’t lose the benefits of aromatherapy – choose the best essential oils and enjoy their benefits for your relationship!

Is It Safe to Use Aromatherapeutic Face Masks?

After Covid, the new trend has been to spray or dab the face mask with essential oil. The aim here has been to make the breathing experience more enjoyable with lovely scents. Additionally, some essential oils are known to calm your mind during stressful times.

But is it really safe to spray your face mask with aromatherapeutic oils?

Even though essential oils are proven to be antibacterial and antiviral, they may make the filtering material of your face mask less protecting.

And as said earlier in this article, some essential oils may cause skin irritation and redness. And even if you weren’t allergic to those oils and you wouldn’t have sensitive skin, please consider carefully. The heavy use of any nice scent (even diluted) may not improve your day and make you ready in the mood for sex in the evening… 🙂

How is aromatherapy done in practice at home?

Essential oils can be used both aromatically (through inhalation) and topically (a topical application on skin). Both routes are quite effective for intimacy and romance as well.

“Olfactory aromatherapy” refers to inhalation of essential oils which relax you and improve your emotional calmness. Scents can also rejuvenate your body and increase your libido. When you use a spray, a diffuser container, or oil droplets, the aromatherapeutic oils evaporate slowly into the air you breath.

When you do aromatherapy topically, your skin absorbs the effects of the aromatherapeutic oils. Read below the tips for topical use examples.

What Kind of Aromatherapy is Best for Romance, Love, and Intimacy? And still easy to do 🙂

Perhaps the most common (and easiest!) way is to use aromatherapy candles with pure essential oils to up the ante on ambiance and setting the mood for love and romance. Via the links* below you can try these lovely candles either with scents of ylang-ylang, jasmine, chamomile and musk, or with jasmine, oud (agarwood’s “liquid gold” pricier than gold itself!) and sandalwood:

Those candles are great gifts for a couple, because these scents arouse both women and men. For example, jasmine improves your self-esteem and mood for sex, chamomile relaxes you both and sandalwood increases your sexual desire. Both these quality candles burn clean and slowly, and they are made naturally with eco-friendly ingredients.

Aromatically, you can also diffuse an aphrodisiac essential oil, or one that you and your partner just really like, to help get you in the mood. See the list of recommended aphrodisiacs and diffusers below in this article.

You may also want to try a relaxing steam bath with some lovely scents to get you in the mood for sex. Lavender is an excellent essential oil for relaxation before some enjoyable sex. Via these *links, for example, you can try these lovely lavender bath bombs or if you don’t have a bath tub, make a foot spa with this organic, exclusive dead sea salt with lavender essential oils:

Quality oils also moisturize and soothe your skin, so you’ll feel confident from top to toe for your romantic session with your partner!

How To Use Aromatherapeutic Massage Oils For Sex Drive And Making Love: Do It Yourself Instructions

If you’re wanting to get a little more touchy-feely, you might want to consider topical use. It’s simple and easy to make an essential oil massage blend. You and your partner can take turns using it on one another to up the romance factor and ease into some more intimate play.

DIY instructions to make the aromatherapeutic massage oil blend:

  1. Get an empty 30 ml glass bottle
  2. Add 30-40 drops of your chosen essential oil(s)
  3. Top the bottle off with your favorite carrier oil of choice (see below more instructions for how to choose a good carrier oil for you).

If you don’t have small glass bottles for massage oil blends, choose a small cup and mix the ingredients with the same ratio.

What is a carrier oil in aromatherapy? What are carrier oils examples?

Since essential oils are so potent, they are diluted before application to the skin. There you need some ‘carrier oil’. The difference between a carrier oil and an essential oil is that pure, natural essential oils are too highly concentrated to be applied directly on the skin but natural carrier oils can be used on the skin directly from the bottle. 

Quality carrier oils have also very good health benefits. Some of my favorite natural carrier oils for aromatherapeutic massage blends are:

  • sweet almond oil
  • jojoba oil
  • apricot kernel oil
  • grape seed oil

Also scientific research shows that exactly these massage oils have great aromatherapeutic effects! Via these *links, you can try this certified organic sweet almond oil, and the 100% pure jojoba oil:

These both quality carrier oils have a light texture that easily absorbs into the skin while nourishing it and improving the effects of the essential oil of your choice. Both have antioxidants as well as anti-aging and anti-acne qualities. Additionally, this 100% pure jojoba oil can also be used to encourage healthy hair growth and nourish dry, brittle hair. 

These exclusive natural carrier oils are suitable for both men and women, which make them excellent massage oils for couples.

The Best Essential Oils for Attraction and Sexual Desire

So, now that you know how to use the aromatherapeutic oils for romance and intimacy in practice, you’re probably wondering which pure essential oils are good for improving your love life.

The following essential oils are considered aphrodisiacs and would make a great choice in oils to use for intimacy:

  1. Sandalwood for increased sexual desire and arousal (and Amyris for a more cost-effective substitute for sandalwood)
  2. Damiana to relax your body, brain and nervous system
  3. Patchouli decreases inhibitions and stimulates sexual desire
  4. Vetiver for relaxation (and good sleep after sex!)
  5. Clary Sage for stress release i.e. to forget daily worries and make the euphoric mood for sex
  6. Ylang ylang with its delicate, soft aromas to heal depression, anxiety, hypertension, stress, self-esteem and even frigidity!
  7. Jasmine absolute to improve your self-esteem and to arouse your passion
  8. Lavender for relaxation and better sleep (try the link* below for relaxing lavender drops)
  9. Geranium to improve emotional wellness
  10. Rose to bring romantic and sensual feeling
  11. Cinnamon to improve self-esteem, sexual energy and blood flow in all organs 🙂
  12. Satureja khuzestanica for fertility and sperm production
  13. Ginseng for better erection (see the *link below and try a ginseng gummi jelly that bursts with the concentrate every time you chew it)

You can read more detailed scientific information on each essential oil here.

Anaphrodisiacs: Which Essential Oils Should You Avoid if You Are Looking for More Intimacy in Your Relationship?

There are also a couple of essential oils that work as anaphrodisiacs. Those are aromatherapeutic oils that you’ll want to avoid if you’re making a blend or using a single oil for intimacy. These oils are:

  1. Camphor
  2. Sweet Marjoram
  3. Basil

Peppermint is refreshing in tea and also as a scent. But on skin it causes a cooling effect which may not turn your partner on. Peppermint may also cause some burning and skin rashes, so try the effects on you and your partner carefully.

And even though chamomile (also chamomile tea) and lavender help you relax before sex, they may also make you too sleepy 🙂 And if you are uncertain of your casual sex partner’s potential allergies, do remember that some people who are allergic to e.g. daisies may get allergic symptoms also from chamomile.

Aromatherapy tips for men’s sexual desire and performance

Some odors may really turn the man on and trigger stronger erections. Men generally respond well to musky and/or earthy aromas. With essential oils consider:

  • patchouli
  • vetiver
  • sandalwood
  • amyris
  • damiana
  • satureja khuzestanica
  • ginseng

See the descriptions of these essential oils above. Via these *links, you can try ginseng gummi jellies that burst with the ginseng concentrate when chewed, and light an aromatherapeutic candle that turns you both on:

The Best Essential Oils to Turn a Woman on:

When selecting the best essential oils for you as a woman or for your wife, remember the basic guidance: usually women are drawn to lighter, sweeter, and more floral scents than men. Consider using:

  1. geranium
  2. lavender
  3. jasmine
  4. clary sage
  5. ylang ylang

See their descriptions above. Via these *links below, you can try this jasmine & ylang ylang candle, and these lavender drops:

The Best Aromatherapy Diffusers to Get You and Your Partner in the Mood for Sex

When you want to feel cozy and relax before having sex with your partner, light your favorite aromatherapeutic candle and snuggle up with a blanket. But if you are afraid that you might forget to blow the candles out before you fall asleep after relaxing and some good sex, you can use a diffuser and have the benefits of romantic, aromatherapeutic candles without the fire risk.

And if you prefer aromatherapy especially for deep relaxation and better sleep (to improve your relationship with your spouse in the morning!), you can keep diffusers on during the night.

Consider different types of diffusers:

  1. Ultrasonic diffusers turn water (with essential oils mixed into it) into vapor.
  2. Evaporative diffusers or reed diffusers include reed sticks to absorb the oil first and then emit their aromatherapeutic scent in the air.
  3. Nebulizing diffusers make mist from essential oils without water (only air).
  4. Heat diffusers melt aromatherapeutic wax, similarly like candles but by using electricity or open flame.

Some diffusers can be even controlled from your mobile phone and synced with Alexa (Amazon) or your Google Assistant. Via these *links, you can order this lovely reed diffuser (with ylang-ylang and jasmine!), or invest in this beautiful quality diffuser and add your preferred essential oil in it:

Search & Try in Love, Sex and Aromatherapy 🙂

And another thing when using essential oils for intimacy, or anything else really, is that if you like a particular oil that isn’t on this list, try it anyway. See how it works for you. Likewise, if you don’t like an oil on the list, don’t use it. Essential oils are never a one size approach and you should always enjoy the scent when using them. Just like in sex 🙂

Author, Blogger, Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, Coach Kati Niemi - Founder of (R)evolution for Love

Cheers to better intimacy both in and out of the bedroom!

With Love,
your coach Kati
Clinical hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer
[email protected]

P.S. You can read more interesting facts on aromatherapy and essential oils via the following *links to quality books by highly-educated authors: 




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