When we typically think about alcoholism we might conjure an image of an elderly drunk on a park bench. Or we might think of that drunk uncle who always seems to go overboard at family events. Perhaps we might even associate the condition with mental health. How many of us would admit that their ‘low-key’ drinking is a problem when it doesn’t fit such stereotypes?
Drinking alcohol is woven into the fabric of practically every social occasion we might attend. From weddings to funerals, from work drinks to networking socials, there is always a glass being offered up to us. Having a glass (or three) of wine when we get home is also a common practice for many. After a stressful day we feel we somehow deserve to kick back and relax, right?
The effects of alcoholism on our relationships
No matter how much we try to justify our drinking choices they can still have a significant effect on our most valued relationships. We might blame our need for several beers a night on how hectic our schedule is. But no matter what the cause, the negative results remain the same. The ‘blur effect’ that alcohol causes can lead to harmful disconnect for even the strongest couples.
TO BREAK UP OR NOT TO BREAK UP? Should I stay or should I go?
How do you know if you should leave or not. How to make the decision to break up or to improve your relationship? To break up or not?
The real trouble with drinking, is that we rarely realize how much it affects us when we are the consumers of it. We might think we are acting in just the same way as normal. You might even feel you are funnier, cuter or a better partner once you have a drink inside you. The truth is, this is both unrealistic and wholly inaccurate. Alcohol only provides fool’s confidence. Dutch courage can mask all manner of issues. But ultimately it creates more issues than it solves.
Damaging relationship behaviors
On an even more concerning note, alcoholism is the root of many abusive and aggressive relationship behaviors. Many instances of domestic violence occur once alcohol has been consumed. Formerly safe partners can quickly become violent with their words and actions. The drinker may not recall their actions (or want to remember them) but the emotional harm caused will remain long after a toxic hangover has passed by.
If you are resistant to the terms ‘alcoholism’ or ‘alcoholic’ then it might be the case that you are battling the true reality of your situation. If you feel triggered by these identifying words then it could be that this is because you deeply feel their accuracy. Hiding from the truth will only hurt you (and your partner) in both the short and long term. In order to save and support your relationship you must open your mind to the idea that something needs to change. It could be the best decision you’ll ever make in your romantic life.
Unsure if alcohol is a problem in your relationship?
Here are 5 questions to ask yourself to determine the truth of your ‘casual’ drinking habits:
-
Does your partner become quickly visibly irritated when you pour yourself a drink?
- Do you avoid confrontation with your partner regarding your alcohol consumption?
- Does your relationship become easier to manage after a drink, even if it triggers conflict?
- Does life in general feel more manageable once you have had a few drinks?
- Do you plan your alcoholic beverages each night before you plan what you'll eat for dinner, before you hug your partner or before you have good conversation with them about how your/their day was?
If you have answered ‘yes’ to most of these questions then you need to start facing the idea that alcoholism has become a problem for you. These questions are neither exhaustive nor entirely definitive. However, they can highlight an existing problem.
FREE EBOOK ‘I love you but…’ – To Break Up or Not to Break Up?
Refocus your energy now to improve your love life! This FREE ebook ‘I love you but…’ will help you move towards a better relationship or
The good news is that when we are informed we are more empowered to make better ongoing decisions. Clarifying our position helps us to make better navigational choices—both for ourselves and our most important relationships.
Listening to your partner: Is alcoholism affecting your relationship?
When we are not ready to face the truth of our actions, we might blame our partners for ‘overreacting’. Perhaps we tell them that they are being ‘too sensitive’ also. Sounding familiar? You may also want to read this article about narcissistic behaviour.
If you have said to your partner that they are making something out of nothing regarding your drinking habits then you certainly aren’t alone. Unfortunately, this kind of narrative only delays recovery. It also causes deep emotional harm to those we love.
When should you break up? Find out if you should stay together.
When is it pointless to stay together? When would you be better off breaking up? How do you know if you should break up or stay together?
The next time your partner is courageous enough to bring up the tricky topic of alcoholism, try out a fresh approach. Instead of impulsively reacting, try and listen. Avoid interruptions. Take on board what they have to say even when it’s hard to hear. They may not be absolutely accurate on every point. But their concern is coming from a loving place. Have the graciousness to give space to their thoughts and feelings. Then work together to find a solution.
Alcoholism doesn’t define you.
Our experiences are part of the natural fabric of our lives. They do not define who we are. You are not a ‘bad’ person or a failure because you started relying on a vice to deal with the challenges of your life. Human nature can lead us to do extraordinary things when we are placed under pressure. What might have pulled you into the habit of relying on drinking in the first place?
Free yourself of self-judgement to make space for true healing to occur. Alcoholism is a chapter you are facing but it does not have to extend further into the future. You have the ability to develop better connections with your partner by removing the power that your drinking habit has over you. Couples thrive when they are given the time and energy they deserve.
THE FEAR OF BREAKING UP: “I’m too ashamed to leave.”
Some people stay in an unhappy relationship because of the shame and fear of breaking up. Break-up fear and and shame is common. Why?
Feed your relationship with the love that an empty wine bottle simply cannot match.
Alcoholism may ruin your marriage
A person whose life feels the less happy the more time they spend with their partner may resort to alcohol, drugs or secret affairs as their dopamine stopgap. If you don’t go giddy by merely looking into your partner’s eyes or by their touch, it may be tempting to lift the mood with a nice glass of wine or three, or something similar, momentarily intoxicating. Some find it is easier to keep numbing their inner needs with alcohol and affairs for decades than to be honest. Alcoholism may ruin your romantic relationship.
“When I’m at some family party and see my ex-partner drunk on the expensive wine, but drunk nonetheless, I just thank my lucky stars that I’m not the one wheelbarrowing them home.”
Motivating You to mindshifting in many ways,
Your Coach Kati Niemi
Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, M.Sc.
[email protected]
“FIVE STARS!” Book reviews: (R)evolution for Love (Amazon Books)
“Five Stars!” Editorial reviews and reader reviews of (R)evolution for Love – A Better Relationship or a Brilliant Break Up? Amazon books
FEEDBACK TO LOVE! Reader reviews (Book+Blog)
RELATIONSHIP GUIDE: BOOK REVIEWS – We are blown over by the feedback the (R)evolution for Love relationship blog and guide have received. WOW!
FREE AUDIOBOOK: Audible, Google Play and other stores’ free trial
Audiobook lovers benefit from FREE trial periods of book stores. Enjoy (R)evolution for Love on Amazon Audible, Google Play & other stores
FREE EBOOK ‘I love you but…’ – To Break Up or Not to Break Up?
Refocus your energy now to improve your love life! This FREE ebook ‘I love you but…’ will help you move towards a better relationship or
How to improve your wellbeing through self-development?
Science has revealed: some adults are not mentally sufficiently developed. How to improve your wellbeing through self-development?
Why does our conscious mind question the power of the unconscious mind?
Is the power of the unconscious mind fake news and is trying to harness it to achieve our full potential a waste of time? What do we mean by the unconscious mind?
INFIDELITY and the collected excuses: The good reasons for cheating
CHEATING: What is a good reason to cheat? What do the cheated partner, “the other woman/man” or the cheater choose to believe in?
What is an open relationship? Does it lead to breaking up?
What is an open relationship? Who are non-monogamous open relationships for? Is your partner suggesting consensual non-monogamy?
Narcissism in a Relationship: “How to Know if My Partner Is a Narcissist?”
What are the signs and causes of narcissism? Can you make a relationship with a narcissist work? Can you heal a narcissistic partner?
Aromatherapy for Libido & Romance – The Best Essential Oils for Love
Sense of smell influences our sexual desire and performance. Aromatherapy tips and the best essential oils for romance, libido, sex and love.
When positive thinking becomes toxic
What is too positive thinking like? Where should we focus the power of our mind and our willpower?
TO BREAK UP OR NOT TO BREAK UP? Should I stay or should I go?
How do you know if you should leave or not. How to make the decision to break up or to improve your relationship? To break up or not?
