Many people considering breaking up with their partner are struggling with the idea of having to move on from the relationship and break up. Breaking up is frightening for many reasons. One of the biggest reasons is that you don’t yet have experience of a new life situation. You wonder when, if ever, you will get over the break up. In this article, I’ve listed for you 10 good, practical tips to help you realise recovering from a break up is possible without magic tricks or special powers.
All you need is patience with yourself and the situation you are in. There are a few practical little things you can do to help yourself to feel better as you recover from the end of your relationship. In this blog post, I will tell you how to make it to “the other side” in one piece and possibly more alive than you even were in your troubled relationship!
People who have been through a divorce or break up often say that they learned something new precisely because of the break up. So, you probably need to build or improve some useful skills to overcome the change. Breaking up from a partner is the time to reinforce the skills that you overlooked previously when you were still in the relationship.
Break up stories: real-life experiences and peer support
Experiences of breaking up. True divorce stories. Peer support for improving or ending your relationship. BOOK & BLOG.
However, I know you already have the skills you need to survive the break up. The following tips will hopefully make the process even better for you. Recovering from a break up does not take forever. You just have to deal with the situation consciously and systematically. Trust me: you will survive!
RECOVERING FROM A BREAK UP: How to get over a relationship? 10 practical tips
Here are my 10 tips on how to make the recovery from a break up easier and faster! Make it your priority to do better than just survive the break up. Use this significant watershed moment in your life well. Why not learn new, valuable skills and knowledge while you’re at it!
Be brave and start consciously recovering from a break up with these tips!
Tip #1: Accept the different stages of separation as part of your recovery.
At times you will feel wonderfully liberated and happy. But some days you may be overwhelmed by grief or anger towards your ex. Gradually, you will start feeling better and your ex will stop annoying you your every waking moment. Keep in mind that recovering from a break up happens in cycles. Small setbacks do not mean you are back to square one: you are making progress.
Also accept that your ex is guaranteed to move on with the post-break up life at a different pace to yours. Even if your ex annoys the hell out of you, practice thickening your mental non-stick surface and stay centred. Focus on your own recovery process and allow your ex to walk their own path. Accept that they may be quicker or slower than you to let go.
Appreciating your ex: Why is it so difficult to respect your ex?
Appreciating your ex is not always easy. Why is it so difficult to respect your ex? How can you improve mutual respect?
You can read more about the different stages of recovery from breaking up in the book (R)evolution for Love which contains plenty of true stories as told by the many men and women I interviewed for the book.
Tip #2 for recovering from a break up: Accept your negative feelings.
You may occasionally feel like you will never get over the break up. It doesn’t seem to get any easier, and that feels daunting. At which point after the break up does life get easier again?
Breaking up brings many different feelings to the surface. Allow yourself to feel even the most painful and confusing feelings. Recovering from a break up is easier when you dare to face all the messages your mind is sending to you. Those messages are your feelings, whatever they me at a given moment. It is your job to listen to yourself, so let yourself feel all those feelings.
Although all of your feelings are yours and born from within you, they do not define you. So if you feel anger, for example, and you might say “I’m full of anger,” that doesn’t mean you are nothing more than your anger. You are a whole human being and more complicated and multidimensional than any of your feelings. So let your every emotion surface in when it’s their time to do so.
Letting go of anger: How to defuse your anger towards your ex?
Deep pent-up anger can be defused. Where does the hatred towards an ex come from? How to free yourself from it? Learn anger management.
Sometimes you may also feel guilty about not feeling too much sadness or anger about your break up. You may be happy and full of energy, and others will notice how you glow. You may be feeling guilty about feeling happy. The same tip as above applies here: Accept your feelings. All your feelings are relevant.
Let your emotions come and go, so even the difficult feelings won’t latch on to you permanently. Let go of your ex, of your break up and also of your feelings. But only after you have first accepted their existence. Allow your emotions to come for a visit, but don’t invite discouraging feelings to stay. Otherwise you will be stuck with them. A passing emotion is a completely different matter than a permanent emotional state. Don’t feed a negative emotional state by constantly worrying about it.
Tip #3: Accept feeling confused.
Recovering from a break up is difficult simply because everything is so confusing. Including your own emotions! Again: accept the confusion.
Each of your emotions surfaces from your subconscious and unconscious mind, so it’s perfectly normal for have feelings that are quite unexpected. Such as the feelings of joy, happiness and relief mentioned above. You probably weren’t expecting them!
You may also hear comments from your friends and family, who are equally confused about your break up as you. They may even resent you for feeling excited about dating so soon or in general looking happier and more energetic than you did for years. Allow them their confusion. Including to your ex.
FREE EBOOK ‘I love you but…’ – To Break Up or Not to Break Up?
Refocus your energy now to improve your love life! This FREE ebook ‘I love you but…’ will help you move towards a better relationship or
And if you feel like getting back together with your ex, stop for a moment and take a closer look at where that feeling is coming from. It is quite normal to miss your ex, even if the very next minute you hate their guts again. You are in a new situation, your mind is looking for a “new normal”. Therefore, your emotions will understandably fluctuate.
If you find yourself clinging to your ex and stalking them on social media, take a conscious break from social media and something better to do. Don’t hurt yourself unnecessarily just because you feel confused about your volatile emotional states.
Confusion is good because it shows you are about to realise something new. Give yourself time to learn something new about your new life and the direction it is taking. Don’t rush into things on a whim when you are still in the eye of the emotional storm.
Tip #4 for recovering from a break up: Accept help to rebuild your strength.
Get to know yourself better and work on your self-esteem. Ask your friends what you are good at and why they like your company. Write down their positive comments and read the list to yourself aloud in front of the mirror, repeating it sentence by sentence. Psychological research has shown that talking to your reflection in the mirror strengthens your self-image, so make the most of this practical and fun exercise!
If your friends are prone to negativity or catastrophising, don’t seek their energy-sapping company for a while. You don’t need worried, “well-meaning” friends by your side. You need encouragement and honest support.
TO BREAK UP OR NOT TO BREAK UP? Should I stay or should I go?
How do you know if you should leave or not. How to make the decision to break up or to improve your relationship? To break up or not?
Sometimes your friends are not able to act as your positive sounding board. I warmly recommend that you make an appointment with a coach who can also handle sadness and “negative” emotions (all emotions are important and therefore actually positive!). A coach can also inspire on your journey toward new horizons.
You can find peer support from break up seminars, up to a point. However, their efficacy depends on the background, personality and personal situation of the other participants. There is no guarantee that their peer support is genuinely supportive instead of being “sewing circle” for negative thinking. Recovering from a break up may be easier surrounded by people who support, encourage and console you rather that offload their own break up drama on you.
You will find helpful peer support in the form of authentic, unadorned true stories, and practical mental exercises in the book (R)evolution fir Love.
Tip #5: Stop ruminating
Consciously cut short spiralling negative thoughts. Let all kinds of thoughts come and go. But you don’t have to hold on to any of them. Imagine watching the thoughts appear, stay around for a bit and then move on somewhere else. Remember, firstly, that not all of your thoughts are true and, secondly, you and your thoughts are not meant to be together forever. That an idea is familiar doesn’t make it true. Let go of your old, restrictive beliefs about break up or single life, for example.
When should you break up? Find out if you should stay together.
When is it pointless to stay together? When would you be better off breaking up? How do you know if you should break up or stay together?
If you have not yet practiced the “technique” of disrupting, breaking down and editing your inner ruminations, start by reading the book (R)evolution for Love. You can also order the free e-book as a taster course on rephrasing your thoughts (and speech): I love you but…
Tip #6: Practice gratitude.
Look for positive things in a broken relationship that you can cherish as good memories. See what you can learn from your past painful experiences in a relationship.
You can recover from a break up if you focus on the good in your past and present. Pay attention to the small, good things you are grateful for today. Maybe the sun was shining today or at least it wasn’t raining. Perhaps you had a nice meal or had the energy to go for a walk. You may be physically healthy even if you are going through a tougher phase mentally.
Do conscious gratitude exercises to help you see the good in your life. It is much easier for you to look to the future with more confidence from a positive emotional perspective.
Tip #7: Take time for yourself.
Do something small every day that you enjoy. Listen to relaxing music and audiobooks, read inspirational books or watch encouraging videos. Meet positive friends and visit new places like coffee shops or a museum. Play sports or at least take a short walk in a beautiful landscape.
If your mother or someone you know constantly asks you how you are, remember that you don’t always have to answer to people’s questions. Sometimes, instead of talking through the break up and playing the old record, it may be better to have a quiet for a moment, by yourself. You are not accountable to others for the reasons you broke up or your situation today. Talking helps, of course, but allow yourself some peace to be on your own. Take time for yourself.
BEYOND BREAK UP BLOG: Life after a breakup – How to survive a divorce?
Beyond Break Up blog helps you reach a decision about breaking up, survive the break up and start a new life as a happy single. SURVIVING BREAK UP
Above all, be present to yourself. In this moment. Right now. In connection with this theme, you can calm yourself, for example, by reading this post: THE NOW. Just this moment. That’s enough. Right now.
Tip #8 for recovering from a break up: Give yourself time to recover.
Focus on your own well-being and enjoying a life based on your own values. Enjoy every moment, including those that seem to have nothing positive about them. Smile at your reflection in the mirror. Force yourself if you have to. That specific movement of cheek muscles automatically releases pleasure hormones. It is a useful method to help yourself feel a bit better, even momentarily.
Pamper yourself and take loving care of yourself and you will find that day by day you start to feel better. Think how often you’ve thought today about some of the major events that happened 12 months ago. This will give you some perspective and indication of how much you are going to worry about the break up in a year’s time.
It is said that time heals. In addition, however, you can consciously help yourself to heal your own wounds. Give yourself time to rest and gather strength for a better life that looks like you.
Tip #9: Be your own best friend.
How can you recover from a break up if you have no faith in yourself? You are your most important supporter. Learn to treat yourself like you would treat your best friend.
Improving wellbeing: How to feel better mentally and physically?
The power of the subconscious: Improving your wellbeing on all levels when in a relationship, during a break up and as happily single.
Talk to yourself encouragingly. Consciously choose positive suggestions that you repeat to yourself several times a day. Gradually these suggestions will become automatic routines of thought, unconscious, positive beliefs that support your wellbeing. Read about my self-suggestions in this blog post: NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: “This year I won’t leave my wife” – the best and the worst new year’s resolutions
The better you feel, the easier it will be to enjoy your new single life. And one day you may want a new wonderful partner by your side. Who could resist the joyful and energetic you once you have learned to take better care of yourself?
But before you rush to love a new person, learn to love yourself with the power of your whole body and mind. Be your own best friend who never lets you down. For better and for worse! For the rest of your precious life. Always. Forever, from this life to the next.
Tip #10: Accept the break up.
So what’s the most common tip on how to recover a break up? Accepting a break up may seem like a cliché, but it’s the foundation of everything you build from this day forward.
Relationship Conflict: How to Diffuse Confrontation
Tips for diffusing conflicts in your relationship to improve your connection. Conflict resolution skills for happy and healthy relationships!
When you accept and acknowledge the break up as one of your life events in the past, it is easier to move on. Once you stop criticising yourself for the break up and silence your discouraging thoughts, it’s much easier to be gentle towards yourself. And, when you treat yourself gently and lovingly, you will be better able to recover from the break up. Actually – in that case, it is no longer necessary to talk about the break up of something to “recover” from. It was a start of another happy stage in life.
Recovering from a break up begins with acknowledging what happened.
Don’t waste your time rebelling against a decision already made. Stop reprimanding and blaming yourself for all the things you think you could have done better “if only…”. As if! Give up the what-ifs Take responsibility of this moment.
Your life is not happening in the past and you cannot live your future today, no matter how worried you are about what tomorrow may bring. Accept the break up as a fact that has happened and be present to yourself in the moment, right now.
Be aware of the impact of stress on your relationship
Stress symptoms and the impact of stress. If you have to manage you partner’s stress, yours is not a love but a care relationship.
By doing more and more of the things mentioned above every day, you will slowly strengthen yourself and be able let go of the past. You will see your past experiences in a more positive light and even the most miserable experiences as a useful life lesson. The more satisfied you feel and the more calmly you can look at your past, the less your history will hold you back and you will be free to live your present and future as a more open-minded and self-compassionate person.
RECOVERING FROM A BREAK UP: How to get over a relationship? 10 practical tips
These were my top 10 practical tips on how to best handle a break up. However, we all have our own individual ways of dealing with difficult life stages and changes.
If your best friend is thinking about the break up now and struggling with the thought of getting over it, what tips would you give them? Write a “letter to a friend” and save it for yourself for the moment you need comfort and support from your best friend. From yourself.
You may also be interested in the following blog posts and of course the solution-centred, 374-page book (R)evolution for Love – A Better Relationship or a Brilliant Break Up? It has exercises and peer support not only to support your though a break up but also to help you recover from it afterwards.
Motivating You to mindshifting in many ways,
Your Coach Kati Niemi
Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, M.Sc.
[email protected]
“FIVE STARS!” Book reviews: (R)evolution for Love (Amazon Books)
“Five Stars!” Editorial reviews and reader reviews of (R)evolution for Love – A Better Relationship or a Brilliant Break Up? Amazon books
FEEDBACK TO LOVE! Reader reviews (Book+Blog)
RELATIONSHIP GUIDE: BOOK REVIEWS – We are blown over by the feedback the (R)evolution for Love relationship blog and guide have received. WOW!
FREE AUDIOBOOK: Audible, Google Play and other stores’ free trial
Audiobook lovers benefit from FREE trial periods of book stores. Enjoy (R)evolution for Love on Amazon Audible, Google Play & other stores
FREE EBOOK ‘I love you but…’ – To Break Up or Not to Break Up?
Refocus your energy now to improve your love life! This FREE ebook ‘I love you but…’ will help you move towards a better relationship or
How to improve your wellbeing through self-development?
Science has revealed: some adults are not mentally sufficiently developed. How to improve your wellbeing through self-development?
Why does our conscious mind question the power of the unconscious mind?
Is the power of the unconscious mind fake news and is trying to harness it to achieve our full potential a waste of time? What do we mean by the unconscious mind?
INFIDELITY and the collected excuses: The good reasons for cheating
CHEATING: What is a good reason to cheat? What do the cheated partner, “the other woman/man” or the cheater choose to believe in?
What is an open relationship? Does it lead to breaking up?
What is an open relationship? Who are non-monogamous open relationships for? Is your partner suggesting consensual non-monogamy?
Narcissism in a Relationship: “How to Know if My Partner Is a Narcissist?”
What are the signs and causes of narcissism? Can you make a relationship with a narcissist work? Can you heal a narcissistic partner?
Aromatherapy for Libido & Romance – The Best Essential Oils for Love
Sense of smell influences our sexual desire and performance. Aromatherapy tips and the best essential oils for romance, libido, sex and love.
When positive thinking becomes toxic
What is too positive thinking like? Where should we focus the power of our mind and our willpower?
TO BREAK UP OR NOT TO BREAK UP? Should I stay or should I go?
How do you know if you should leave or not. How to make the decision to break up or to improve your relationship? To break up or not?
