Even the healthiest and most peaceful of couples can run into the dreaded ‘gray zone’ now and then. You do everything you need to take care of another. You don’t fight as much as you did at the beginning, you enjoy each other’s company and remember every anniversary. Yet something feels like it’s missing. You love your other half, undoubtedly. Yet you’re starting to feel like you both need more from one another. Sounding familiar? Yes, you aren’t the only one feeling this way! So, how do you reignite the spark in a long-term relationship?
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When life becomes busy, we tend to blame our schedule or current challenges for relationship disconnection. We might complain about how life has made it impossible for us to balance everything successfully. You might even hold your partner responsible for the apparent divide that is emerging between you.
It’s easy to place easy blame.
It’s not so easy, however, to take action ourselves for what’s really happening. How do you rekindle love in a long-term relationship?
In any good long-term relationship, even a short-term relationship damage can lead to ultimate separation.
We tend to assume that our long-term relationship will operate on standby when we don’t have the time or energy to work on them.
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Sadly, this just is not the case in reality.
Without taking positive action to remedy the issues between you, divorce or a break-up could soon become a painful reality. Don’t worry—there are plenty of solutions to the problem!
Long-term relationship problem: How to reignite the flames between you?
When most of us think of romantic spark, we might visualise idyllic movie scenes. Or we might envision nauseatingly picture-perfect social media images of happy couples. Modern comparison culture can make us feel that what we have isn’t ‘enough’.
This sense of inadequacy can lead to further damage to our long-term relationship. We may start to lose faith in what we have with our partner when external influences begin to dictate our opinions.
It’s important to stay focused on your own relationship. Stay in your lane and liberate yourself from comparison with others. Your experience is unique, as is your connection with your partner. No matter how long you have been together, there are a multitude of ways you can build the strength between you. This is your journey as a couple—no-one else’s. True value for one another is the fundamental basis for any healthy, happy, long-term relationship.
Great relationship reconnection starts today!
How to overcome the relationship ‘grey zone’? Five good long-term relationship tips!
Here are 5 easy ways to powerfully relight your spark with less effort than you might imagine:
Sustaining a long-term relationship, Tip #1: Remind yourselves why you’re together
Long-term relationships don’t tend to work well when they’re left lazily on auto-pilot mode. When life is plodding along smoothly it’s easy to float along the lazy river of love. To authentically reignite the spark between you, conscious effort and energy is required from you both.
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You can do this by revisiting why you chose one another. Take time to romantically reflect. Organise a special dinner to discuss old memories. Look at photos of your early dating days and acknowledge how far you’ve come.
How to keep a long term relationship alive, Tip #2: Communicate why you chose each other
It’s all very well knowing inwardly why you love and appreciate your partner. But when was the last time you actually let them know? You might assume by this stage of your long-term relationship that your partner will instinctively pick up on what you’re thinking and feeling. Perhaps they do for the most part. But without you specifically acknowledging their importance then they are unlikely to be fully aware.
Long-term relationship advice, Tip #3: Stop comparing yourself to others
Comparison is a seriously depleting and highly negative habit. Unfollow the social media accounts that make you feel inadequate. Surround yourself with positive influences, including friends and family members. Something or someone agitating your character? Free yourself from the impact of toxic elements. Allow healthy space for positives to fill the gaps. You’ll soon see the difference this empowering method will have.
How to make your long term relationship last, Tip #4: Take good care of yourself
When you feel well balanced, the effects can be felt and seen within your long-term relationship as a result. If you are stressed and overwhelmed then you are more likely to emotionally self-isolate. You are also likely to become reactive to your partner.
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Pay attention to your emotional health and sense of wellbeing. Treat yourself to some self-care on a regular basis. Talk about your needs openly to reduce the strain. Not only will you feel better, but you will open up important opportunities to connect further also.
How to make a long-term relationship stronger, Tip #5: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Sure, it’s harder than it sounds. But there’s a reason this long-term relationship advice continues to circulate decade after decade. The more you tangle yourself up in small-scale dramas, the more you will suffer unnecessarily.
The next time you find yourself become irate about the laundry, pause for a moment. Is it really worth firing off about? Or could you save yourself the cortisol spike by talking it through calmly another time? Life will throw curve balls at us that we cannot avoid. Lessen the pressure on you both by reducing general stress as much as possible elsewhere in your shared lives.
When strengthening a long-term relationship, the least complex solutions work the best.
These steps may seem simple, but there’s a reason for this. Often the least complex solutions work the best. Relationship spark isn’t just about the heat between you—although we’ll come to that aspect shortly!
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Maintaining a close bond between you also involves reducing stress, taking great care of one another, and making each other feel special on a regular basis. These are the elements to focus upon as a healthy rule in any long-term relationship.
Sex in a long-term relationship: How to turn up the heat between you!
This guide just wouldn’t be complete without providing some key actionable tips to help spice things up between you. When it comes to sex, it’s sometimes a tricky topic to broach. Especially when you’re feeling uninspired yet conscious not to offend or upset your partner. Don’t forget that it takes two to tango. You’re both responsible for kicking things off in the right direction.
Here are some sexy and encouragingly straightforward tips to refuel the fire:
Schedule sex—yes, really!
It might sound like a total mood killer to organise a slot of time. But how often do you have sex when it’s left to chance? You don’t have to be regimented about the whole affair. Agree together that on a Saturday night, for example, devices are set aside and you allow yourselves to focus only on one another. Or make it a habit to wake up early a few mornings a week to enjoy an exhilarating start to your day! Make it work for you both, and make it regular. Scheduling sex doesn’t mean that the sex itself would be boring or too organized!
Body positivity in a long-term relationship
Regardless of how your bodies have potentially changed during your time together, now is not the time for body hangups. Wear the clothing (or lingerie items…) that make you feel sexy. Compliment one another’s best features. You may not even realise which parts of your physique your partner secretly adores until they tell you.
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If soft lighting helps you feel confident then by all means make use of candles and lamps. Don’t hide in the dark under the sheets too often—unless you want predictably dull sex, that is!
Invest in a few playful toys!
Who says sex toys are for singletons and new couples? Sex toys are a wonderful way to introduce fresh experiences of pleasure to your sex life. Venture into trying new things, exploring forms of sensation you haven’t had before. Use these moments to improve your communication also. Talk about your boundaries, what you enjoy, and what you’d like to try. Who knows what you might discover together? The right tools in hand (quite literally) could transform the spark between you in no time.
One last thing…
Long-term relationships are a continual motion of exploration and discovery. No matter how many years you have been together, there is much to learn about one another. Never stop being curious about the desires and emotions of your partner. Check in regularly to stay closely connected. Noticed a difference in their mood? Arrange vital quality time to ensure they feel loved and cared for.
You don’t need to dive head-first into every tip within this guide immediately. Gradually introduce each approach and observe the effects that occur as a result. Adjust intuitively, using strong communication and personal reflection to guide you in the right direction. From here, anything is possible between you.
So—what are you waiting for? Get that fire going! 🙂
Motivating You to mindshifting in many ways,
Your Coach Kati Niemi
Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, M.Sc.
[email protected]
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