When was the last time that you and your partner had quality time together without your children interrupting you? If you’re struggling to think of an occasion then you are one of many millions of parents who struggle to find space within their schedules for each other. Unfortunately, chronic cases of distraction can be very damaging to a relationship over time. In some cases, it can even lead to permanent separation and divorce.
In this article, you will get practical, everyday tips for having quality time together with your spouse without overspending!
Quality Time and the Impact of Having Kids.
Children are a wonderful addition to our lives, certainly. And after having children, it can also be difficult to find space and quality time together as a couple when there are endless family responsibilities to take care of. Regardless of the age of your children, every day you are responsible for their welfare. This includes tending to their needs, wants and demands! Busy parents don’t tend to naturally find time to spend with one another. This is why making the extra effort is so crucially important.
This is your guide to finding quality time with your spouse even when the kids are home!
The Romantic Dangers of Neglect – Why is Quality Time Important?
You might be thinking that your life is already too busy without having to add extra activities into the mixture. Perhaps you crave time to yourself when your children are in bed in order to relax and rejuvenate your energy levels. However, over time this lack of quality time as a couple has serious repercussions. Neglect can quickly lead to resentment which is a highly toxic element for any partnership. Over time, it can lead to ultimate disconnect and unnecessary break-ups.
Reframe your approach to family life
As parents, your focus is often on your children. You will typically consider the wellbeing of your offspring before your own. This is an incredible strength and an admirable trait as their carer. It is a wonderful reflection of your values also. However, it can implicate a lack of thinking space relating to your partner and your relationship together. Thankfully, there’s an easy way to solve this.
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Reframe your approach to family life by fine-tuning your use of daily time. If every waking moment of your life is dedicated to your children then there is simply not enough capacity for your partner.
Start to reshuffle your priority list. You don’t need to lessen your dedication to your children. This isn’t about swaps—it’s about pulling your partner into your consciousness more often. Everyday thoughtfulness creates connection.
Simple everyday tips to find quality time!
First stop, pay close attention to your regular levels of mutual attraction. It might feel strange to consider this aspect of your relationship on a daily basis, when there are school runs and kids’ activity clubs to keep up with. However, finding small moments within your everyday to build the heat between you is crucial to your relationship health overall.
Here are some easy ways to make it happen, no matter how pushed for time you are:
Short moments of quality time: Focused attention!
Is your partner looking especially lovely today? Is your husband wearing a fresh shirt? Whatever it might be, make a point to make them feel extra-special. Pull them in for some physical affection before verbally acknowledging what you have noticed about them that day. Just a few moments of focused attention can make all the difference. Compliment any good, small changes!
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These initial steps may seem minor at first. But crucially, they will cultivate a noticeable difference within your relationship. Feeling truly wanted and personally valued is a fundamental part of developing an ongoing romantic connection together. Walking into a room and seeing your partner react positively is a huge boost to your confidence. Small efforts add up to significant lasting change over time.
Find ways to join your schedules
If you have become accustomed to splitting activities and family chores then it might be the case that your streamlining is risking your romantic connection. Although it is an efficient approach, doing everything separately doesn’t allow much time together. Consider doing your grocery shopping together. Or take the kids to their hobby clubs as a united couple. You’ll be amazed at how much more of a team you’ll soon feel.
Quality time every day: Create date nights at home!
Kids already in bed? Great! Set aside your smartphones and light those mood-creating candles. This is your time to enjoy each other’s company without being tugged at the elbow by one of your littles ones needing a snack. These moments don’t happen often so make the most of what you do have, always. Crack open a bottle of wine or make something super special for supper. This is your time as a couple — enjoy it!
Recreate your evening routine together with your spouse
Try heading to bed 30 minutes earlier than usual to spend some romantic time together. Instead of falling straight into bed as exhausted and run down individuals, share an evening shower together.
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Ditch the unflattering pyjamas and embrace one another’s bodies before the day is out. You’ll wake feeling refreshed and as special as you really are.
More quality time each month
How to reignite attraction even more? Make good use of babysitters! Draw on a favour from a friend or book a professional childcare service. Make sure you have quality time without children once a month at least. An entire day and night of time alone can do wonders for your connection as a couple.
Book a fancy stay away if you can afford it. Or simply create a cosy retreat at home with great food and a movie. You don’t need to spend a lot to enjoy quality time together.
Struggling with conflict? Dedicate time to the ‘making up’ stage.
There has nothing more of a mood-killer than getting into a fight over everyday challenges. When you are at loggerheads, you aren’t usually thinking of ripping each other’s clothes off. In fact, you’ll likely want to create as much space as possible between you both.
Confrontation tends to make us defensive and reactive. This kind of mindset is non-conducive to strong bonding. It’s not possible to eradicate conflict or occasional dispute altogether. But you don’t need to let it kill your connection together. The key is not muddle your romantic connection with other areas of your life.
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For example — don’t fight in your bedroom. Deal with your disagreements away from your children. Ensure that you dedicate sufficient time to the ‘making up‘ stage as is necessary. Ultimately—work as a team, not as opponents!
Long-Term Challenges: Are you guilty of lazy loving?
For any couple who has been together for a long time, it’s all too easy to fall into comfortable habits of lazy loving. This applies whether you’re parents to children or otherwise. Those fancy first date outfits eventually become replaced by cosy loungewear. Special nights out together are soon swapped for dinner in front of the television once the children are in bed. Sounding familiar? You certainly aren’t alone.
Here are some simple ways to overcome the dreaded comfort zone:
- Ditch your jammies. There is a time and a place for those easy cosy layers. However, don’t fall into the trap of relying on them as your go-to outfit options at home. Choose clothing pieces that are comfortable yet reflect your style and send of self value. You don’t need to dress to be validated by your partner. But when you feel your best, you will naturally feel your spark reignite.
- Treat one another. It’s not solely your responsibility to make yourself feel good in order to benefit your connection together. Make excuses to make one another feel special. This could include a luxury gift, a thoughtful gift or even just joining your partner to help with the school run. You could even book a sitter as a surprise for an hour to allow time for a walk and a coffee together. Every little piece of effort counts.
Every member of your family is equally important.
Looking to the future—it’s crucial to the health of your relationship that you remain conscious of the importance of quality time together. It might be tempting to go back to old habits of blaming how busy you are for apparent neglect between you. However, you are the ones in the driving seat. Your children rely on you to take good care of them. But you have the same responsibility to your partner. Do not underestimate the importance of your role in this.
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You have the gift of children along with a partner that you love and care about. The fact you are here reading this guide highlights how important your family is to you. Now that you are equipped with the relationship know-how, all you need to do is to apply these loving practices on a regular basis.
Before long, your relationship and family life could be entirely transformed!
Do you speak the love language of quality time?
Gary Chapman’s classic book about the five love languages explains further why quality time together with your spouse is one way to show your love. But still, it is only one way and there are also many other important ways, too. We all have our own unique ways of expressing and receiving love. Gary Chapman described the Five Love Languages this way:
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Physical touch.
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
What are your love languages?
How important is quality time in your relationship?
Do you share your views with your spouse? Perhaps tonight, you can have some quality time together and discuss together!
Please share your practical tips below!
Motivating You to mindshifting in many ways,
Your Coach Kati Niemi
Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, M.Sc.
[email protected]
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