How to find a partner for great sex from Tinder or elsewhere while single? Many have asked me for an article and a full book on this subject.
During my years as a single woman after my 21-year relationship with my ex ended, I went on dates with about 80 men. That might sound a lot to some. My thinking was “If I date 100 men, surely there must be at least one who is suitable for me to share my life with for a bit longer!?”
As a single person, Tinder and other dating apps are a good channel for finding a partner for some great sex. Of course, it is also great for meeting new people in general face-to-face! Read more about how to compose a good dating ad in this comprehensive blog article. Naturally, the gallery of people on Tinder is as varied as people are. Luckily you don’t have to communicate with anyone you don’t want to. You are free to speak or message to only those you are interested in.
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The men I met through Tinder were all perfectly smart and nice. Not every date leads to passionate sex or romance. But it is not a bad idea to enjoy the freedom of sex while single while you can! Being coy and shy about intimacy while single or in a relationship is unnecessary and a waste of time. My point with this blog post is to reassure you. Don’t be afraid of breaking up for the fear of being left lonely and without any closeness and sex when single.
Great sex while single from Tinder and other online dating apps
So the topic of this article is how to have good sex while single after breaking up through Tinder or other online dating apps. And what the bonuses are of having sex while single compared to sex in a relationship.
You can read more about the many positives of single life in this blog post: Top 10 advantages of being single – and what we all can learn from them!
The freedom to have sex with whomever you want
While single, you are allowed to have sex with anyone you want – provided that the prospective partner agrees! In a way, the same rules apply in single life and in a relationship: in a relationship you would hope your partner wants to have sex with you. However, this is not always the case. I have described this aspect in more depth in other blog posts: CELIBACY IN A RELATIONSHIP: How does it feel when you partner does not want to have sex?
In a relationship, the amount and quality of sex is not only up to you. It also depends on the desires and abilities of your partner as well. However, when single, the amount and quality of sex as a single person depends mostly on your own desires and interests.
You won’t be short of supply!
Am I desirable enough?
If you look after yourself mentally and physically, you will always be desirable both in a relationship and when single.
Even if your relationship has drained you (mentally, if not sexually), by paying a little attention to your appearance and self-esteem there is no doubt in my mind that you will meet someone on the dating scene. But most importantly, looking after yourself brings joy to yourself.
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If you were in a long, unfulfilling relationship, may you forgot to or weren’t able to take care of yourself. When single you will probably have more time to invest in yourself. What is more, you might reignite your love and affection towards yourself and freely enjoy some good sex. A quote from my book (R)evolution for Love:
“Having been with the same man for twenty years, I was wondering if I had the nerve to be with another man, being the age I was and looking the way I did. But men don’t really pay attention if you have a bit of cellulite on your thighs, so I quickly forgot about it too. I thought I wasn’t the type to enjoy casual sex, but now I know…! What have I been missing! Luckily I’m not too old to make up for the lost time!”
Kati Niemi: (R)evolution for Love – A better relationship or a brilliant break up?
In sex between singles the partner’s sex drive doesn’t matter
In a relationship, you can take good care of yourself and look and feel great about yourself and still be left without intimacy and sex because the relationship doesn’t work. This is a sad situation. One of the upsides of being single is that your chances of having good sex are there as long as you are up for it.
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Singles can quite easily find themselves a few nice “friends with benefits”. You can have sex whenever, many times a day – if you wish! And provided you do meet a partner that shares the same interests. You might find them on Tinder, like I did.
However, some don’t dare to even take a quick look at Tinder. This might be because of the bleak picture of online dating painted by their unexperienced non-single friends or the media. I have discussed this topic in more detail in the book (R)evolution for Love. Here’s one quote by one of my otherwise lovely, smart middle-aged interviewees, expressing their doubts:
“I don’t want to go anywhere to Tinder and I can’t even date anymore anyone.
and I don’t even remember how to date. The whole idea makes me sick. If I divorced, I’d probably be alone for the rest of my life!”
Kati Niemi: The (R)evolution for Love – A Better Relationship or a Brilliant Break Up?
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Every single person today knows about Tinder as well as many other great online dating apps. Some of the app users are looking for a new serious relationship. Others specifically want to stay single but are looking for close friends and/or good sex. Stay openminded about what you want. I promise you will find a suitable partner for friendship, Netflix-and chill or more.
And if you are in a relationship but you and your partner have agreed on an open relationship, you can have sex with other people. For more on open relationships, read, for example, this (R)evolution for Love blog post: FREE / OPEN RELATIONSHIP: Will the need for freedom only lead to breaking up?
Make it clear that your are just looking for good sex
The best policy is always to be open about your goals in your online dating profile. This will save everyone’s time, energy and feelings. In this way, those looking for “just sex” won’t feel imposed upon by those looking for a long-term relationship. On the other hand, those “always ready to commitment” don’t end up being hurt by those who are only looking for sex.
What is an open relationship? Does it lead to breaking up?
What is an open relationship? Who are non-monogamous open relationships for? Is your partner suggesting consensual non-monogamy?
Tinder has a huge number of users, all with their personal and unique needs and wants. This means that Tinder users must respect the boundaries of other users so that everyone can feel comfortable looking to fulfil their desires. The fact that someone’s needs and desires don’t match yours is no reason for anyone to take offence or to be rude, right? 🙂 If a dreamy dating prospect turns you down because your deeper needs don’t match, don’t take it out on them! Such behaviour is simply unacceptable in any form of dating, live or online. We all want an open and positive dating culture and we all our play are part in creating that culture with our actions.
More diverse, great sex while single from Tinder and elsewhere
Everyone has their personal likes and dislikes when it comes to sex. Usually, our sexual skills and knowledge have developed in line with our own and our (ex-)partners’ preferences.
We are all free to have any kind of sex we like. To find new interests among the different ways of having sex. If we want to we can learn endless new skills to satisfy both ourselves and our partners. I think it is unfortunate how seldom we adults seem to explore the sexual dimension of self-development.
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It is quite likely that in a couple both partners will stick to their old habits unless they are particularly geared towards sexual self-development. This means that the sex is probably not as adventurous as it could be when single and with two or three more skilled sexual partners.
As you can see, I made a conservative estimate of two or three sex partners per singleton. I didn’t want to exaggerate the abundance of casual sex available when single. However, to be honest, “two or three” is probably an underestimation when it comes to ordinary middle-aged single people. 🙂 I want to repeat again to those of you thinking about breaking up and leading a single life again are dreading: You are good enough just the way you are and yes, you will have good sex on Tinder/other online dating services or traditional dating 🙂
Is single sex with a stranger worse than with an old spouse?
And to all of you who are afraid that the sex on the singles dating scene is somehow worse than the sex with your old partner, I have only this to say: this blog post is not long enough for me to list all the pros of sex while single! 🙂
It needs to be said that those singles who have “just sex” with each other can also be genuinely interested in each other. There can still be a real connection. In my book (R)evolution of Love, one of my interviewees had these wise words to say about sex:
“When both people are interested in each other and care about each other at least as friends, the sex will be good. The best sex happens with someone whose gaze and breath alone touches you deeply. Sex is at its best when the non-verbal communication is successful, and when it is not,
it can be a very unpleasant experience. Therefore, sex is a good barometer for the overall health of the relationship.”
Kati Niemi: The (R)evolution for Love – A Better Relationship or a Brilliant Break Up?
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Sex while single is just as good and frequent as you want to make it. There will definitely be potential partners for everyone!
Online dating apps make dating incredibly easy. Unfortunately, many who are still in a relationship check their market value before they even start talking about breaking up with their partner. Don’t be tempted to check how well you could do on the dating scene before its time to do so. I recommend that you first take time to read my book (R)evolution of Love and give the situation a good thought. You can also read my blog posts on Cheating.
Singles don’t have to beg for sex or worry about letting their partners down
The beauty of being single is that whenever you don’t feel like having sex, you don’t have to. There’s no pressure to fulfil any marital “obligations”. If you don’t want to have sex with someone you don’t have to. This rule of course also applies in a relationship. In practice, however, if your sex drive is low and your partner’s isn’t, you will have to explore the reasons for this.
Refusing to have sex or to find out why you don’t want to have sex is not OK. It amounts to wilful mistreatment of your partner. Nobody has the right to do so. Whatever the problem, there is always help available and it is everyone’s responsibility to resolve problems in a relationship together with their partner.
While single you don’t have to barter for sex in exchange for doing an extra load of washing. Nor do you have to have sex when you don’t really want to. As a single person you are in control of your body just like any adult in a relationship. The difference is that if you choose not to have sex, you won’t be hurting anyone’s feelings.
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Both of you in your relationship have to live according to the needs of either one. Usually it’s the one who wants less sex. A singleton is free to find a partner or partners whose sex drive is a better match with that of their own.
Sexual self-confidence when newly single
The self-esteem of a person who has lived in a relationship in which their intimacy or other needs were not met may have hit the rock bottom by the time the relationship ends. They may be wondering if they are still desirable for anyone. Will the much hyped single sex be out of their reach?
If you feel insecure going on Tinder or dates when you compare yourself to other people’s social media postings, read my book (R)evolution for Love. You can download it as an e-book right away. This 374-page solution-focused book is an in-depth guide with plenty of real-life stories and peer support as well as 57 mental exercises. I highly recommend you take the time to do them.
Many of the readers of my e-book have gone on to buy the paperback. They have realised it might also come in handy in any new challenges in their future love life.
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Would you like some personal support and encouragement to boost your self-esteem. Don’t hesitate to get in touch for a face-to-face or online appointment. Find out more.
Singles don’t have to put up with a jealous partner
Another plus in living as single is not having to deal with the negative energy of a jealous partner. Jealousy can be a problem that kills the atmosphere at home more permanently than an odd fight. While single, you don’t have to suffer from a partner’s jealous outbursts just because you have to travel for work even though cheating could not be further from your mind. Nor would you need to feel anxious about your partner’s wild nights out or after ski parties on a skiing trip with their mates.
How does sex while single differ from sex in a relationship?
It doesn’t, necessarily. In a good relationship, you have the right amount and type of sex to meet your needs. Sex in a happy relationship is relaxed and joyful and it evolves and develops with time.
Partners who love each other genuinely want what’s best for each other and are inspired to look for new common interests, including in sex.
Even if you doubt your own sex appeal, you will have good have sex when single
What if your long-term relationship has turned stale and event the sex therapist you saw could not inject any new energy into your sex life? Don’t put off the idea of breaking up if your only reason is your fear of never having sex again.
Sometimes we simply turn out not to be a good match to our partners, sexually or otherwise. That your partner does not want you now does not mean that somebody else – or many many others – wouldn’t!
Sexless Marriage: Celibacy when your partner doesn’t want to have sex
Living in a sexless relationship when your partner does not want to have sex. No sex in marriage. Involuntary celibacy in a sexless marriage
Would you like some personal support and encouragement to boost your self-esteem. Don’t hesitate to get in touch for a face-to-face or online appointment. Find out more.
Singles don’t have to put up with a jealous partner
Another plus in living as single is not having to deal with the negative energy of a jealous partner. Jealousy can be a problem that kills the atmosphere at home more permanently than an odd fight. While single, you don’t have to suffer from a partner’s jealous outbursts just because you have to travel for work even though cheating could not be further from your mind. Nor would you need to feel anxious about your partner’s wild nights out or after ski parties on a skiing trip with their mates.
How does sex while single differ from sex in a relationship?
It doesn’t, necessarily. In a good relationship, you have the right amount and type of sex to meet your needs. Sex in a happy relationship is relaxed and joyful and it evolves and develops with time.
Partners who love each other genuinely want what’s best for each other and are inspired to look for new common interests, including in sex.
Even if you doubt your own sex appeal, you will have good have sex when single
What if your long-term relationship has turned stale and event the sex therapist you saw could not inject any new energy into your sex life? Don’t put off the idea of breaking up if your only reason is your fear of never having sex again.
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The power of the subconscious: Improving your wellbeing on all levels when in a relationship, during a break up and as happily single.
Sometimes we simply turn out not to be a good match to our partners, sexually or otherwise. That your partner does not want you now does not mean that somebody else – or many many others – wouldn’t!
Likewise, your unappealing ex can be the dreamiest partner to someone else! I’m serious! Even it may now appear to you that you are not sexually desirable, you are, to someone out there.
You may have experienced sexual neglect in a bad relationship subsequently lost your confidence sexually. But it doesn’t mean you can’t have a really good sex once single again. You have Tinder and all other online dating services at your disposal as well as the more traditional ways of meeting and dating new, interesting people.
Are you looking for good sex as a single from Tinder or elsewhere?
A liberated and rewarding new sex life is one of the best parts of being single. I hope this blog post was enough to convince of you of that and to dispel your fears 🙂 You can read more about the other pros of being single in this post:
Are relationship problems simply just stress and lack of sleep?
Why does stress and lack of sleep cause problems in a relationship? Or do bad relationships cause stress and sleeplessness? How to get help?
Top 10 advantages of being single – and what we all can learn from them!
There are plenty of singles of different ages looking to enjoy each other without any major expectations about a long-term commitment. Therefore, it is really important in online dating to be honest with yourself and your potential partners: do you primarily want good sex without a relationship or good sex in the context of a relationship? The best strategy is to be clear about your wants in your online dating profile, as I advise in the blog post A GOOD ONLINE DATING PROFILE: How to create a good online dating profile?
The most important thing to be aware of what you want. One day, you will meet that person that you want to be with and who wants to be with you.
Great sex while single from Tinder and other online dating apps
If you are still unsure about having a good sex life while single, download a dating app and see for yourself!
Are you on Tinder or another dating app looking for good sex as single or a sexually rewarding committed relationship?
In this blog post, I have listed some of the things that make for a successful online dating profile. The blog posts talk about whether online dating is really only based on appearances. I also talk about the importance of photos in your dating profile. Good photos on Tinder: What kind of pictures should you post in an online dating profile?
Under this blog category, you can read about how you can improve your relationship in many ways – including sexually: The Good Relationship blog category
Motivating You to mindshifting in many ways,
Your Coach Kati Niemi
Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, M.Sc.
[email protected]
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FREE EBOOK ‘I love you but…’ – To Break Up or Not to Break Up?
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How to improve your wellbeing through self-development?
Science has revealed: some adults are not mentally sufficiently developed. How to improve your wellbeing through self-development?
Why does our conscious mind question the power of the unconscious mind?
Is the power of the unconscious mind fake news and is trying to harness it to achieve our full potential a waste of time? What do we mean by the unconscious mind?
INFIDELITY and the collected excuses: The good reasons for cheating
CHEATING: What is a good reason to cheat? What do the cheated partner, “the other woman/man” or the cheater choose to believe in?
What is an open relationship? Does it lead to breaking up?
What is an open relationship? Who are non-monogamous open relationships for? Is your partner suggesting consensual non-monogamy?
Narcissism in a Relationship: “How to Know if My Partner Is a Narcissist?”
What are the signs and causes of narcissism? Can you make a relationship with a narcissist work? Can you heal a narcissistic partner?
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