In this guest post you can find some good dating tips for divorced men about how to meet attractive single women with confidence – No matter how long ago your last date was!
A divorce feels devastating, but it can also become your best opportunity.
An opportunity to get a second shoot to date great women and – if you want – end up happy with the right partner. Because now, you’re much wiser. You have a better sense of what you want and don’t want in a woman.
After more than 10 years of helping divorced men to get (and keep) the kind of woman they want, I know how you feel:
You might know what you want, but your last approach or date has been so long ago you’re not sure how to meet women anymore.
Plus, you probably are still not over your ex.
That’s why in the next 7 minutes, I’ll show you 5 steps to help you get over your ex and meet attractive women.
How to meet single women with confidence - Step #1: Close The Door To The Past
Every divorce is an emotional roller coaster.
One day you wake up feeling grateful for being single again. The next day you miss her, thinking of ways to get her back. And when you hit rock bottom, you start blaming yourself – reliving every bad moment in excruciating detail, asking yourself: “What could I have done differently to save our marriage?” But the day after, things are back to normal, and you feel okay again.
Over time these ups and downs will become less frequent.
Until one day, you accept it’s over between you and her.
Then you’ll be ready to start dating.
Right now, you might feel you’ll never be ready to meet another woman again.
But in my experience, every man will get there, but how long it will take depends on your specific situation and personality.
Still, there are ways to get off the emotional roller coaster much sooner:
1: When you have a good day, I want you to write down all the reasons why it’s a good idea you’re not together anymore. It doesn’t matter how big or small the reasons are. Write down everything you can come up with. Do it the old fashion way with pen and paper.
Afterwards, record a memo to yourself. Just say everything out loud you wrote on paper. This will come in handy for later.
2: When you’re feeling down, I want you to listen to the recording you made about why it’s a good idea you’re not together anymore. It will help you jump out of the negative emotional loop much quicker.
3: You could tell her EVERYTHING that is still bugging you. Hold nothing back. Otherwise, your emotions will eat you from the inside, and you will never be ready to date again.
You can talk to her in person but if this is too much for you, write a letter but DON’T send it to her.
Why?
Most likely, the letter you’ll write will include insults and profanity. In other words, just you letting your frustration out unfiltered. This is totally okay. The goal is to cleanse yourself from the emotions stopping you from moving on. The goal is not to provoke a reply or reaction from her.
Writing this kind of letter is something Abraham Lincoln was very famous for. He called them “hot letters”. Whenever he was mad at someone, he wrote that person a “hot letter” without ever sending it.
Do these 3 things, and you’ll get over her much faster.
Now you’re ready to begin your journey back into the dating pool:
How to Meet Attractive Women – Step 2: Find Your Sex Appeal
It’s normal for you to believe you have nothing to offer to a woman after a divorce.
In fact, after a divorce, most of my clients tell me the same reasons why women wouldn’t be interested in them:
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- I’m too old
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- I gained too much weight
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- My hair is starting to fall out
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- I haven’t been on a date in ages and don’t know how to flirt
By focusing only on the negative, those guys tend to forget all the qualities that make them attractive.
I can already hear you scream: “But I don’t have any attractive qualities! I’m old, and my looks started to fade.”
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It’s true. Women are attracted to good-looking men. But it’s not for the same reason you’re attracted to an attractive woman.
As guys, we’re simple:
We see a hot girl, we want her.
But women think differently:
“He’s hot… He must be super disciplined to maintain this body… I want him.”
Many studies confirm this:
Having a great personality and traits, like discipline, is way more important to women than looks.
And you definitely have a personality women would be interested in. How do I know?
You’re reading this article, right?
This shows you’re:
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- Smart because you’re working on fixing a problem in your life
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- Highly motivated about improving yourself to be a better man
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- Humble and not an egomaniac because you’re accepting help
And I bet you have already achieved plenty in life. Because only an ambitious man would work hard towards becoming a better version of himself.
Ambition, humility, and intelligence are things women want in a man. I’m not exaggerating; one study even suggests women can smell ambition.
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To discover more of your attractive qualities, ask a friend or family member to tell you your strengths. Also, tell them to describe specific situations when you displayed your strengths. This will make it easier for you to believe what they say is true.
Also, you can check out the following personality tests:
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- Myers-Briggs Test (This one is free)
Don’t try to figure out your attractive qualities by yourself.
It’s damn near impossible.
Because thanks to human nature, we tend to take all the good things about ourselves for granted.
How to Meet Attractive Single Women with Confidence – Step #3: Silence Your Inner Critic
The more you like a woman, the more intimidated you are by her.
This is why it’s so much easier to talk to women you have zero interest in. But when it comes to attractive women, we men tend to put them on a pedestal, see them as angels, and forget they are human beings.
But if you want to date the women you want, you have to stop putting them on a pedestal. Otherwise, you’re deemed to settle for someone you don’t want.
So how do you silence your inner critic, the voice in your head telling you she’s out of your league?
The answer is to take a look at dating from her perspective and to accept some harsh truths most women would be too afraid to admit to you:
Step #3 – Point 1: The most beautiful women are the loneliest ones
“Are you for real?”
Since we just talked about how men feel intimidated by attractive women, this shouldn’t be a surprise.
Why?
Because most men feel the same about approaching pretty women.
And there is a big German study to prove this.
The study’s result was shocking: 100 Men had to pick one woman to ask out on a date among 5 possible choices. Almost everyone (except for one guy) settled for a woman they didn’t want.
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Then, the researchers asked them why they made this choice. The reason for their choice should get you thinking:
They more or less all said the same thing: “I don’t have a chance with the pretty women because all the other guys are after them. So I play it safe.”
What does this mean for you?
It might be hard to swallow, but facts don’t lie. More often than not, you’re rejecting yourself, thinking she’s out of your league. While at the same time, she actually has fewer options than you think and thus feels lonely.
How to Meet Attractive Single Women with Confidence - Step #3 / Point 2: Even models are self-conscious about their looks
The beauty industry for women is worth over 500 billion dollars.
Why would women spend Ireland’s entire Gross Domestic Product on lipsticks and push-up bras?
The reason:
No matter how pretty she is, she compares herself with women on magazine covers, Instagram, and TV. Society keeps repeating the same message to women everywhere:
“Unless you’re beautiful, you’ll die alone.”
So while you think she’s out of your league and you’re not good enough for her, she thinks about if you like the way she looks.
Point 3: Most women aren’t born flirting queens
In fact, they’re quite often worried about f*cking things up with the guys they like.
Sound familiar?
How do I know this is true?
First, as the German study revealed, most guys are too intimidated to talk to women they like. So when she finally meets a great guy, it’s only natural she’s afraid of screwing things up.
Most women are passive and don’t approach. So they can only choose a partner among the guys who dare to come and talk to them.
It’s like a final exam at school. You only get one chance to prove your skills. So you’re nervous and want to pass it as quickly as possible.
Second, check out the articles written here on (R)evolution for Love! Or type in Google “How to date a guy”, and you’ll see countless articles with millions of readers.
Those articles would collect dust if all women were natural-born flirting queens.
Point 4: Women prefer mature men
Do you feel your dating life is over once you are 35 or older?
So many of my new clients in their 30s complain to me: “It’s not as easy as it used to be. All the girls I like don’t find me attractive anymore.”
But this is all in your head.
Studies found women love to date guys older than them.
Why?
They enjoy being with someone who has more experience than them.
For them, it’s important to look up to their partner and respect them. Especially women who grew up without a father figure tend to date guys who are older than them. So if you’re an older guy looking for a younger woman, you’re in luck.
As my dad always joked: “I get older, but the women who want to date me stay the same age.”
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How to Meet Attractive Single Women - Step #4: Boost Your Confidence
Confidence is an aphrodisiac to women.
You can’t have enough of it.
Steps 1, 2, and 3 are the foundation for building true self-confidence.
Still, there are many more ways to give your self-confidence a boost. Which, you guessed it, are scientifically proven as well. I love studies.
Anyway, here’s what you can do:
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- Meditation
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- Working out
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- Eating healthy
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- Getting proper sleep
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- Wearing nice clothes
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- Not watching the news
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- Working towards your goals (no matter how big or small)
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- Surrounding yourself with confident people – and/or ideas
And what I also recommend you to do is stop watching porn excessively.
Research has shown that porn not only has a negative impact on your sex drive and performance. But it also lowers your chances of meeting your dream woman.
How?
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Because you train your brain to get sexual gratification by clicking a button. And your brain will respond by encouraging you to take the easy way out and watch some porn instead of going out and meeting your dream woman. This is why many of my clients and I are not watching porn at all. Not for any moral reason but just for my mental and physical health benefits.
If you need help implementing one of the confidence boosters in your life, read the book Atomic Habits. It will show you how to create a new habit and help you stick with it in the simplest way possible.
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Step #5 - How to Meet Women with Confidence: Create Dating Opportunities
Time to get serious.
You’re ready to meet women, but how do you get started?
Waiting for the perfect woman to knock on your door won’t work. You need to take control of your dating life and make it happen. Still, you haven’t been dating in a while, so it’s fine to dip your toe in the water before you jump back into the dating pool.
The easiest way to get started is to meet women who like the same things as you.
Where can you find them?
Thanks to the Internet, it’s quite easy. You can find plenty of groups with women who like the same stuff as you on Facebook. Also, you have sites like meetup.com to connect you with groups full of women. And last but not least, you can try your luck on Instagram.
Join a group and attend one of their meetings in person.
What I love the most about this way of meeting women is it will be easy for you to start and maintain a conversation. You can talk to her about the interest you both have in common. This means you won’t have to worry about running out of things to say.
So if you’re rusty when it comes to flirting, this is perfect.
It’s like playing a video game on level easy.
Your Efficient Dating Advisor,
Herman The German
‘Divorced Men: How to meet single women with confidence’ – Guest post by Herman The German Dating Engineer
This article was written by our guest expert Herman the German.
He used to be a banker in a top investment firm, who turned his pattern recognition and cold analysis skills into a way to help men with their dating and love life.
He invented the Efficient Dating Systems Made in Germany and is sharing his recent discoveries on www.becomeherman.com
