Relationship Conflict: How to Diffuse Confrontation

When it comes to romantic relationships, conflict is an essential component. It is an opportunity to develop your connection together and to release tension that might have been building. Without conflict, we cannot evolve. The relationships risks becoming stagnant. Instead of avoiding issues, there are some simple but powerful ways to overcome conflict each and every time it arises. So – how do you handle conflict in a relationship?

The best 10 tips for solving relationship conflicts and create better connection

There is a big difference between healthy conflict and unhelpful toxicity. The deciding element is communication. The language we use defines how constructive the disagreement actually is. When we fall into using hurtful, offensive, or vitriolic words as weapons then a positive outcome becomes unreachable. Lasting damage can occur, leading to potential relationship breakdown.

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So—how can you overcome conflict within your relationship healthily and happily? These next 10 empowering steps will provide all the support you need. With these tools in hand, you can make positive lasting change in your relationship. Apply each element of the model in the coming weeks and you might be surprised at the difference you and your partner experience together.

Ready to get started? Let’s dive straight in to your conflict diffusion guide!

Relationship conflict resolution #1: Agree on a time and place to talk.

Clear expectations will help the situation. Launching into an issue as you’re leaving for work won’t get you anywhere fast. It will only lead to hurtful resentment. Assign quality time to tackle the issue you’re having as a balanced team.

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Remove distractions by placing smartphones out of reach. Switch off the television and your computer screens too. Next, agree on how much time to spend on solving the issue together. This is so that the discussion remains focused.

Managing conflict, Tip #2: Define the problem specifically.

Don’t leave room for misunderstanding when you’re discussing a problem together. Assuming your partner sees your point off view leaves capacity for misinterpretation and further dispute.

All too often, presumption leads to contempt. Face the issue head on, taking turns to define the way the issue makes you both feel.

Don’t interrupt when your partner is speaking. Remember, at this stage listening is key. You can analyze the details later on. For now, keep your ears open and your explanations precise.

Relationship argument advice #3: Take appropriate responsibility.

This step is not about blaming, so hold back on that list in your head of what your partner has done wrong! Pause the aggravated commentary you’re used to resorting to. Allow space for healthy communication to take place without the retaliation quips. Self reflect upon what you are responsible for within the situation rather than blindly throwing accusations at each other. Remain open minded regarding how your actions might have hurt or agitated your partner in some way.

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Let go of the need to self defend in response to criticism. Think of yourselves as team-mates not competitors.

Relationship conflict management Tip #4: Work through the problem.

If you have not been successful in solving conflicts in the past, you need to learn new ways to diffuse conflict to make better connections. To move forwards, you need to be conscious of what has not worked for you historically. What have you tried before that hasn’t worked? Let go of past (solved) issues or irritations in favor of supportive discussion. Talk through the moments where you felt shut down. Listen to the moments when your partner has felt demotivated. These are the clues to conflict success.

Conflict resolution skill #5: Develop fresh solutions.

You both have unique skills and ideas to bring to the problem-solving table. You have had differing backgrounds to each other and been influenced by your past in diverse ways. Embrace the contrasts between you rather than pushing back against them. Have an open conversation where both of you are free to suggest ideas you might not have discussed before.

Be aware of the impact of stress on your relationship

Stress symptoms and the impact of stress. If you have to manage you partner’s stress, yours is not a love but a care relationship.

What could each of you offer the situation that could help you progress? Identify what each of you could bring to the table to improve the situation you’re in together. Then, pool your ideas together to see what can be done about the challenge you’re facing. Use a notebook, whiteboard, or a large blank poster to help the creative juices flow.

Relationship Conflict Resolution #6: Discuss and evaluate each solution with an open mind and open body language.

It is not helpful to your relationship to criticize each other’s ideas as soon as they are said aloud. Resist the temptation to pour scorn on to a newly suggested fix. Particularly as it might become one that could work. It might be the case that an initial solution needs some tweaking to be effective. Perhaps you could make suggestions that bring a developing concept to a useful place.

Use open body language to signal your willingness to take on new ideas. Encourage each other to share what you are really thinking as you progress.

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Don’t rush this stage of things. You both deserve time to be heard. Yes, both of you!

Managing Conflict, Tip #7: Make sure no one is taking over.

If you leave a conversation feeling your partner was the lead on decision making then you will feel demotivated and resentful later on. It’s important that you both feel equally listened to and that your suggestions were heard. Regardless of the solution you settle on together, both of you need to feel you contributed to the development of the plan going forwards. Work together to agree on a solution to tackle the issue you are facing.

Not sure you’ve been heard? Schedule another positive chat before things escalate.

Handling relationship conflict, Tip #8: Agree on your couple roles.

Overcoming conflict involves equal effort from you both. It isn’t down to only one of you to fix what isn’t working.

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Discuss what each of you could do to progress the relationship forwards from this point. What will you do today to make the change you want to see? How will you tackle a similar issue sometime in the future?

Make sure that one of you doesn’t take too much (or too little) control of your couple wellbeing. If you tend to overwhelm conversations then take a step back. Allow your partner to take the lead and support you for once.

If you shy away from conflict, be bold and speak up in order to take responsibility. You may surprise yourself (and your partner) at what you’re capable of.

Relationship conflict management Tip #9: Establish a timeframe with regular check-in opportunities.

Confusion creates confrontation. Plans that lack structure are destined to fail, no matter how well intended. Without a clear framework you are more likely to lose sight of your conflict solution goals. The hard work you have already done together will go to waste without an ongoing agreed plan. To avoid confrontation disasters, agree on clear timeframes between you.

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Clarify exactly what you want to see happening in the coming days and weeks from one another. Don’t skip on minor detail. Use accurate language and precise descriptions to make sure you are working from the same page. Remember; place, date, time — success!

Tip #10 to improve connection: Celebrate small wins!

It isn’t going to be plain sailing all the time. Relationships need continual input to survive and thrive. But you can reasonably expect that your relationship can improve now that you have the right communication framework set up.

Don’t dwell on perceived negatives. Doing so will only demotivate you both and cause further tension or dispute.

Acknowledge every step forwards on your journey together, working through the bumps in the road as you venture. Compliment each other’s growth. Let each other know when you feel positively supported. Did you notice a small change of behavior that you loved? Make sure you say it aloud. Feeling happier than before? Show your partner some affection to let them know they’re getting things right.

Small steps add up to significant and lasting change, so remember to celebrate all the small wins!

Conflict resolution skills are necessary for happy, healthy relationships!

With these 10 achievable steps in your conflict toolbox, you are well equipped to make lasting change within your relationship — especially when it comes to conflict. It might take a little time to adjust to the new way of doing things. But once you start to see positive results you will both be far more motivated to keep moving in the right direction together as an authentic team. The proof really is in the relationship pudding!

Refer back to this guide whenever you feel you need to. This model has been created with you in mind, providing the tools you need to make the changes you wish to see in your relationship.

You and your partner already have the most important power tool, which is a willingness to overcome conflict together.

From here, anything is possible.